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Confessions Of A Battle Weary Prayer Warrior Confessions Of A Battle Weary Prayer Warrior

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  • Author: Michelle Clairday
  • Size: 440KB | 70 pages
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About the Book


"Confessions Of A Battle Weary Prayer Warrior" is a memoir by Michelle Clairday detailing her struggles with faith and the power of prayer. She shares her personal experiences of spiritual warfare and how she overcame doubt and discouragement through the strength of her prayers. The book offers insight and encouragement for readers facing their own battles in life.

John and Betty Stam

John and Betty Stam The year 1934. Americans John and Betty Stam were serving as missionaries in China. One morning Betty was bathing her three-month-old daughter Helen Priscilla Stam when Tsingteh's city magistrate appeared. Communist forces were near, he warned, and urged the Stams to flee. So John Stam went out to investigate the situation for himself. He received conflicting reports. Taking no chances, he arranged for Betty and the baby to be escorted away to safety if need be. But before the Stams could make their break, the Communists were inside the city. By little-known paths, they had streamed over the mountains behind government troops. Now gun shots sounded in the streets as looting began. The enemy beat on the Stams' own gate. A faithful cook and maid at the mission station had stayed behind. The Stams knelt with them in prayer. But the invaders were pounding at the door. John opened it and spoke courteously to the four leaders who entered, asking them if they were hungry. Betty brought them tea and cakes. The courtesy meant nothing. They demanded all the money the Stams had, and John handed it over. As the men bound him, he pleaded for the safety of his wife and child. The Communists left Betty and Helen behind as they led John off to their headquarters. Before long, they reappeared, demanding mother and child. The maid and cook pleaded to be allowed to accompany Betty. "No," barked the captors, and threatened to shoot. "It is better for you to stay here," Betty whispered. "If anything happens to us, look after the baby." [When we consecrate ourselves to God, we think we are making a great sacrifice, and doing lots for Him, when really we are only letting go some little, bitsie trinkets we have been grabbing, and when our hands are empty, He fills them full of His treasures. --Betty Stam] Betty was led to her husband's side. Little Helen needed some things and John was allowed to return home under guard to fetch them. But everything had been stolen. That night John was allowed to write a letter to mission authorities. "My wife, baby and myself are today in the hands of the Communists in the city of Tsingteh. Their demand is twenty thousand dollars for our release. . . . We were too late. The Lord bless and guide you. As for us, may God be glorified, whether by life or by death." Prisoners in the local jail were released to make room for the Stams. Frightened by rifle fire, the baby cried out. One of the Reds said, "Let's kill the baby. It is in our way." A bystander asked, "Why kill her? What harm has she done?" "Are you a Christian?" shouted one of the guards. The man said he was not; he was one of the prisoners just released. "Will you die for this foreign baby?" they asked. As Betty hugged Helen to her chest, the man was hacked to pieces before her eyes. Terror in the Streets The next morning their captors led the Stams toward Miaosheo, twelve miles distant. John carried little Helen, but Betty, who was not physically strong, owing to a youthful bout with inflammatory rheumatitis was allowed to ride a horse part of the way. Terror reigned in the streets of Miaosheo. Under guard, the foreign family was hustled into the postmaster's shop. "Where are you going?" asked the postmaster, who recognized them from their previous visits to his town. "We do not know where they are going, but we are going to heaven," answered John. He left a letter with the postmaster. "I tried to persuade them to let my wife and baby go back from Tsingteh with a letter to you, but they would not let her. . . ." That night the three were held in the house of a wealthy man who had fled. They were guarded by soldiers. John was tied to a post all that cold night, but Betty was allowed enough freedom to tend the baby. As it turned out, she did more than that. Execution The next morning the young couple were led through town without the baby. Their hands were tightly bound, and they were stripped of their outer garments as if they were common criminals. John walked barefoot. He had given his socks to Betty. The soldiers jeered and called the town’s folk to come see the execution. The terrified people obeyed. On the way to the execution, a medicine-seller, considered a lukewarm Christian at best, stepped from the crowd and pleaded for the lives of the two foreigners. The Reds angrily ordered him back. The man would not be stilled. His house was searched, a Bible and hymnbook found, and he, too was dragged away to die as a hated Christian. John pleaded for the man’s life. The Red leader sharply ordered him to kneel. As John was speaking softly, the Red leader swung his sword through the missionary’s throat so that his head was severed from his body. Betty did not scream. She quivered and fell bound beside her husband’s body. As she knelt there, the same sword ended her life with a single blow. Betty Betty Scott was born in the United States but reared in China as the daughter of missionaries. She came to the United States and attended Wilson College in Pennsylvania. Betty prepared to follow in her parents’ footsteps and work in China or wherever else the Lord directed her. But China it proved to be. At a prayer meeting for China, she met John Stam and a friendship developed that ripened into love. Painfully they recognized that marriage was not yet possible. “The China Inland Mission has appealed for men, single men, to work in sections where it would be impossible to take a woman until more settled work has commenced,” wrote John. He committed the matter to the Lord, whose work, he felt, must come before any human affection. At any rate, Betty would be leaving for China before him, to work in an entirely different region, and so they must be separated anyhow. As a matter of fact, John had not yet even been accepted by the China Inland Mission whereas Betty had. They parted after a long tender day, sharing their faith, picnicking, talking, and praying. Betty sailed while John continued his studies. On July 1, 1932, John, too, was accepted for service in China. Now at least he could head toward the same continent as Betty. He sailed for Shanghai. Meanwhile, Betty found her plans thwarted. A senior missionary had been captured by the Communists in the region where she was to have worked. The mission directors decided to keep her in a temporary station, and later ill-health brought her to Shanghai. Thus without any choice on her part, she was in Shanghai when John landed in China. Immediately they became engaged and a year later were married, long before they expected it. In October, 1934 Helen Priscilla was born to them. What would become of her now that her parents John and Betty were dead? In the Hills For two days, local Christians huddled in hiding in the hills around Miaosheo. Among them was a Chinese evangelist named Mr. Lo. Through informants, he learned that the Communists had captured two foreigners. At first he did not realize that these were John and Betty Stam, with whom he had worked, but as he received more details, he put two and two together. As soon as government troops entered the valley and it was safe to venture forth, Mr. Lo hurried to town. His questions met with silence. Everyone was fearful that spies might report anyone who said too much. An old woman whispered to Pastor Lo that there was a baby left behind. She nodded in the direction of the house where John and Betty had been chained their last night on earth. Pastor Lo hurried to the site and found room after room trashed by the bandits. Then he heard a muffled cry. Tucked by her mother in a little sleeping bag, Helen was warm and alive, although hungry after her two day fast. The kindly pastor took the child in his arms and carried her to his wife. With the help of a local Christian family, he wrapped the bodies that still lay upon the hillside and placed them into coffins. To the crowd that gathered he explained that the missionaries had only come to tell them how they might find forgiveness of sin in Christ. Leaving others to bury the dead, he hurried home. Somehow Helen had to be gotten to safety. Pastor Lo's own son, a boy of four, was desperately ill -- semi-conscious after days of exposure. Pastor Lo had to find a way to carry the children a hundred miles through mountains infested by bandits and Communists. Brave men were found willing to help bear the children to safety, but there was no money to pay them for their efforts. Lo had been robbed of everything he had. From Beyond the Grave But from beyond the grave, Betty provided. Tucked in Helen's sleeping bag were a change of clothes and some diapers. Pinned between these articles of clothing were two five dollar bills. It made the difference. Placing the children in rice baskets slung from the two ends of a bamboo pole, the group departed quietly, taking turns carrying the precious cargo over their shoulders. Mrs. Lo was able to find Chinese mothers along the way to nurse Helen. On foot, they came safely through their perils. Lo's own boy recovered consciousness suddenly and sat up, singing a hymn. Eight days after the Stams fell into Communist hands, another missionary in a nearby city heard a rap at his door. He opened it and a Chinese woman, stained with travel, entered the house, bearing a bundle in her arms. "This is all we have left," she said brokenly. The missionary took the bundle and turned back the blanket to uncover the sleeping face of Helen Priscilla Stam. Many kind hands had labored to preserve the infant girl, but none kinder than Betty who had spared no effort for her baby even as she herself faced degradation and death. Kathleen White has written an excellent and very readable biography John and Betty Stam, available from Bethany House Publishers (1988). She reports that Betty's alma mater, Wilson College in Pennsylvania, took over baby Helen's support and covered the costs of her college education. She added: "Helen is living in this country (USA) with her husband and family but does not wish her identity and whereabouts to be made known." Resources: Huizenga, Lee S. John and Betty Stam; Martyrs. Zondervan, 1935. Pollock, John. Victims of the Long March and Other Stories. Waco, Texas.: Word Publishing, 1970. Taylor, Mrs. Howard. The Triumph of John and Betty Stam. China Inland Mission, 1935.

Mercy at the Bottom

Jonah is a fascinating case study in the mercy of God. He is a no-good, rotten man who resents God for his mercy. Jonah would rather see his enemies destroyed and annihilated than forgiven. Nestled within the story of this rotten man, though, is his prayer in the second chapter. The prayer gives insight into Jonah’s inner struggle and plays no small part in the development of the story. It also tells us much about the God to whom we pray. Perhaps you’ve breezed through the prayer in a previous reading of the book, but let’s slow down to see what we can learn from his cry for help from within the belly of the great fish. Most Reluctant Prayer Imagine the flannel graph with me. God sends his prophet to a wicked people to proclaim the judgment of God. Jonah, instead of going to Nineveh, runs from God by sailing in the opposite direction. Jonah — God’s chosen instrument — is a leaky vessel. Despite the futility, he seeks to run “away from the presence of the Lord” (Jonah 1:3). Clearly, he wants no part of Nineveh, but we’re not yet told why. A storm rages on the high seas, and Jonah is reluctantly thrown into the sea by the sailors. These pagan seafarers call out to God for mercy, yet throughout the storm, Jonah opens not his mouth. He will not mutter even one meager word. Jonah would rather die, it seems, than be an instrument of God’s mercy (to others or even himself). We quickly learn that Jonah is not the hero of the story, and frankly, a bit of a rotten fellow. As we’ll see, however, we find good company in Jonah’s character deficiencies. And we can find solace from the fact that God still heard Jonah’s prayer, the desperate cries of a wayward prophet. Chapter 2 records Jonah’s prayer from the belly of the fish. If there is ever a foxhole cry for help recorded in the Bible, this is it. As Jonah gasps for air, covered in darkness and with death at his door, he finally manages to muster a cry for help. What Was Clear in the Dark What, if anything, can we draw out of Jonah’s prayer? Let me trace three themes and then come back to how we might personally be encouraged for our own prayer lives. GOD STILL LISTENS First, Jonah comes to his senses and prays to God. I imagine a cry of help escaped as Jonah was hoisted into the air and as he plunged in the pitch-black sea. Maybe just a singular yelp, or a thought of “save me, Lord,” but that was all it took. Jonah wakes to the overpowering aroma of rotting fish carcasses, thinking that hell resembles a fish market. But then he regains his senses and realizes he’s alive in the belly of a fish. In this dire and desperate situation, Jonah prays: “I called out to the Lord, out of my distress, and he answered me; out of the belly of Sheol I cried, and you heard my voice” (Jonah 2:2). Despite his disobedience and stubbornness, he calls out to the Maker of heaven and earth. Despite attempting to run from God, he now turns to him for deliverance and help. God is always ready to receive the desperate cries of his children. GOD STILL REIGNS Jonah admits that God is in control. He doesn’t say, “Those rotten sailors, I can’t believe they threw me into the sea!” Instead, he sees the sovereign hand of God at work even in his precarious situation. He confesses, “You cast me into the deep; . . . all your waves and your billows passed over me” (Jonah 2:3). Desperate situations are not a result of God falling asleep at the wheel. Jonah admits that God is in control, and reminds us that we can trust him even in dire circumstances. God is still sovereign when our safety is compromised. GOD STILL DELIVERS Lastly, Jonah concludes that God saved him for a purpose. Jonah is incapacitated, but clearly not yet dead, and so he concludes that God saved him for some divine purpose. “God is still sovereign when our safety is compromised.” He prays, “I shall again look upon your holy temple. . . . You brought up my life from the pit. . . . My prayer came to you, into your holy temple” (Jonah 2:4, 6, 7). God did not satisfy Jonah’s death wish (Jonah 1:12). He has been spared to once again worship God in his holy temple. Jonah rightly concludes that his deliverance has some meaning, and he even begins to declare God’s greatness from the belly of the fish: “Salvation belongs to the Lord!” (Jonah 2:9). Ugliest Kind of Grief We know how the story ends. Jonah’s prayer is heard and answered, and he eventually washes ashore. Jonah relents, goes to Nineveh, preaches, and the people heed his message and repent — and then the surprise comes. Jonah does not rejoice over their repentance; he gets angry (Jonah 4:1). We learn that Jonah wasn’t worried that the Ninevites wouldn’t listen or that they would kill the messenger. Rather, he was worried that the Ninevites would repent. He knew God would be gracious and merciful — and now that God has, he grieves. God’s character is stunningly juxtaposed with the most pathetic display of prophetic sulking in Scripture: [Jonah] prayed to the Lord and said, “O Lord, is not this what I said when I was yet in my country? That is why I made haste to flee to Tarshish; for I knew that you are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster. Therefore now, O Lord, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live.” (Jonah 4:2–3) For all of his sins, at least Jonah is consistent. He would rather die than go preach, he would rather die than pray in the storm, and now he would rather die than see his enemies forgiven. Jonah, however, wasn’t wrong about everything. He wasn’t wrong about God. He knew that God would be gracious and merciful, eager to relent from disaster. The problem was that Jonah didn’t share God’s heart. He was eager for retribution, revenge, and judgment. He wanted to see the people of Nineveh burn for their oppression of Israel. Did Jonah ever become a faithful prophet? Did he ever live up to his task and mission? Did the leaky vessel ever get patched? I’d like to think so, but the author leaves aside any tidy endings. We’re left to ask our own question: Are we like Jonah, or are we like God? Two Lessons for Your Knees How, then, might Jonah’s prayer shape and inspire our prayers today? What might we learn from his cries out of the depths of treacherous seas? See the unrelenting kindness of God. First, we learn that God is still listening. The reality is so simple we might be tempted to overlook it. Even if you just committed a heinous sin — like running away from the living God — he has not decisively closed his ear to you. The intercom to heaven hasn’t been turned off. In the immediate aftermath of sinning against him, we might imagine God exasperated and simmering with anger. We imagine him responding like we would. Jonah, however, reveals that God still waits to receive our desperate and dejected cries, even from the most disobedient among us. He’s eager to receive and welcome our humble and broken prayers for help. As Romans 2:4 reveals, God’s kindness is meant to lead us to repentance. God displays his mercy and forgiveness to Jonah and to the people of Nineveh. We can have confidence, even if we are low-down, dirty, rotten sinners, to come to Jesus with our first or thousandth request for forgiveness — if we humble ourselves and run to him, rather than hiding from him and running away. Resist the urge to run and hide. Second, wherever you are and whatever obedience you’re currently resisting, run to God in prayer. Be persistent in prayer, knowing your God is even more persistent in mercy. Of all the people who shouldn’t have expected their prayers to be answered, it was Jonah. He openly rebelled against God. When God called, he ran in the opposite direction. He jumped aboard a ship and tried to flee the Sovereign of the seas. Even when the storms raged, he refused to pray for deliverance. He would have rather drowned than repented. And yet, out of this watery grave, he comes to his senses and cries out — and wonder of wonders, God listens and answers. “Jonah teaches us that God is more merciful, more patient, and more forgiving than we can now imagine.” If we are in a Jonah-like season of rebellion, we too can pray. Even if we’ve been in a decades-long season of fleeing from God, running from his presence, and resisting his call, we’re invited to come, lay down our rebellion, and be immersed, not in judgment, but in love. God wants to pour out mercy on you, and then through you to other sinners, that they too might repent and be delivered. God is not like us. Where we are quick to anger, slow to forgive, easily frustrated, and prone to hold grudges, God is not like us. Jonah teaches us that God is more merciful, more patient, and more forgiving than we can now imagine. The good news of the gospel is far better than we expect. Through Christ, the better Jonah, we call out to God, with confidence that he will overflow with mercy to no-good, rotten people who come with empty hands — and with confidence that his mercy can change our hearts to be like his. Article by Steven Lee

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