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Sex Is Not The Problem (Lust Is) Sex Is Not The Problem (Lust Is)

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  • Author: Joshua Harris
  • Size: 826KB | 211 pages
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About the Book


"Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is)" by Joshua Harris discusses the destructive nature of lust and how it can negatively impact relationships and individuals. The book offers practical advice and biblical wisdom on how to overcome lust and focus on healthy, loving relationships. Harris emphasizes the importance of purity and self-control in sexual matters.

Jackie Hill Perry

Jackie Hill Perry Jackie Hill Perry has a way with words, and people can’t stop listening. A gifted poet, rapper, writer, and teacher, she has written books and Bible studies, released hip-hop albums, and taught at events, conferences, colleges, and coliseums all over the nation. Inspired by her powerful testimony of salvation and deliverance from a gay lifestyle and her teaching on the holiness of God, the word is out: God is good, He is Lord, and those who surrender to Him are made new. The Power of God It’s a message Jackie is passionate about because she knows firsthand the transformational power of Jesus Christ. She and her husband — fellow spoken-word artist, Preston Perry — met in 2009 while performing at an artist’s showcase. Impressed with Jackie’s poetry, Preston struck up a friendship that deepened over the years. Eventually, they began dating, which presented significant challenges but also great rewards. The Lord used Preston as a source of healing, and marriage forced Jackie to deal with hurts and fears she’d been reluctant to give to God. The couple, who reside in Atlanta, married in 2014. They are now the parents of three daughters: Eden, Autumn, and Sage; and are expecting a son. A decade ago, Jackie could never have imagined marriage, motherhood, and ministry in her future. Violated and abandoned by men who should have loved and protected her, Jackie was hurting. Fear and distrust kept watch over her heart. Surrender wasn’t an option, even when a loving God promised her new life. Despite some exposure to church and to Scripture, Jackie was adamant that she would never submit to Jesus as Lord. Her attraction to women started in early childhood and intensified during adolescence. Jackie finally gave in to same-sex desires, along with drugs and other habits that brought comfort, pleasure, and an emotional escape. Suppressing her femininity by wearing men’s clothing and assuming the male role in dating relationships, Jackie says every area of her life was characterized by sin and rebellion against God. Then one evening, 19-year-old Jackie felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Recalling the experience, she says, “It was a God thing. No one can ever tell me that I saved myself. I had some understanding of Jesus and obedience and Christianity. But I sincerely wanted nothing to do with God on His terms.” Even as she resisted, Jackie clearly sensed the Lord speaking to her. “When He showed me that all of my sin would be the death of me — that it was true that the wages of sin is death, but it was equally true that God offered eternal life if I would repent and believe — I was compelled to trust Him. For the first time in my life, I knew that God was real and He was worth it. Just the day before, my heart was hard as a rock, and now I wanted Jesus. Only the Holy Spirit could have done that.” “For the first time in my life, I knew that God was real and He was worth it. Just the day before, my heart was hard as a rock, and now I wanted Jesus. Only the Holy Spirit could have done that.” The Power of Words Jackie dove into God’s Word and began discovering the woman He designed her to be — mind, body, and spirit. Seeking to express herself in deeper, more artistic ways, she began writing poetry. Jackie didn’t shy away from revealing her past or the ongoing struggle with temptation and sin. Her poems unflinchingly spoke gospel truth and glorified God as the ultimate source of love and life. After connecting with the Passion for Christ Movement (P4CM), Jackie was asked to write a poem about being an ex-lesbian. Hesitant at first, she felt the Lord prompting her to move forward. Through its confessional lyrics and rock-solid theology, My Life as a Stud shined a spotlight on Jackie’s conversion and marked the beginning of her public ministry. “When My Life As a Stud came out in 2009, so many gay and lesbian people who didn’t go to church, didn’t trust Christians, and didn’t want to have anything to do with the Bible clicked on the poem and suddenly wanted Jesus. I realized God had given me this art form where I’m able to speak to people’s hearts.” Since then, she has taken the message of God’s love to artist showcases, faith-based conferences, college campuses, and major media outlets. The foundation of her message is always the Word of God: In His goodness, God created male and female. As the perfect designer of gender and sexuality, God is worthy of trust and obedience. Although same-sex attraction is central to her testimony, Jackie emphasizes that the church should approach the LGBTQ community the same way it approaches other people. Everyone is created to be an image-bearer of the living God with a unique identity and great worth. Rather than labeling someone as “a gay friend,” it’s important to develop genuine, one-on-one relationships the same way Jesus did. By investing in authentic friendships, Christians will be able to share the gospel because they’re actually modeling it. The Power of Redemption Jackie points out that being “dead in sin” goes far beyond someone’s sexual preference. Without Christ, people are lost in every way. But when Jesus gives new life, He forgives and redeems the whole person. She says, “God saved me from sin, not just my sexuality. I was an all-around sinful person. In essence, sin was my lord. As much as I loved women in a lustful way, I also loved pornography and drugs, bitterness and unforgiveness.” Through discipleship, Jackie recognized the holistic nature of God’s redemption. “I’ve learned that pride is one of my greatest struggles, even more so than same-sex attraction,” she explains. “Pride manifests itself in so many areas of my life, it’s hard to keep up. God didn’t just rescue me from being gay. He saved me from believing I’m a better lord than He is.” In response to the growing debate over same-sex attraction and the frequent questions she receives when people hear her testimony, Jackie wrote her first book, Gay Girl, Good God, to serve three core groups: people seeking to help and understand those within the LGBTQ community; people within the community who may disagree with some of her conclusions but are still intrigued; and people who are believers, yet have same-sex attraction and are trying to figure out how to love Jesus while dealing with those feelings. When asked what she hopes the church learns from the book, she says, “I want people to see that how you reach the LGBTQ community is the same way you reach anybody — with the gospel. The gospel is about God. The method shouldn’t be any different when you’re speaking to someone who is dealing with gluttony or lying or lust. It’s all the same. God is Lord, He’s Master, He’s King, He’s able to save. And the problem with sin is always a problem between us and God.” "God is Lord, He’s Master, He’s King, He’s able to save. And the problem with sin is always a problem between us and God." The Power of Community Jackie hopes the church will develop greater empathy for same-sex individuals and recognize how difficult it is to walk away from the gay lifestyle. She says, “It’s not a random sin that is easily put off. The feelings are real, and it takes time and work and a long process of dying to self.” Without a supportive church family to encourage and affirm her, the author might have fallen away. The first couple of years as a Christian were the hardest. Jackie had to learn to put off the old nature and put on Christ. The process required spiritual and physical discipline. She had to shop for women’s clothing, an experience that made her feel strange, vulnerable, and afraid. Temptation was a constant source of condemnation, at times pushing Jackie into depression and doubt as she grieved over her sinful nature. After a decade of growing in Christ, Jackie still faces temptations but says they’re more subtle and easier to flee. Instead of looking at women as objects of lust, she chooses to see them as image-bearers of God. In evaluating her walk with the Lord, she considers whether she is loving people well, growing in holiness, and bearing good fruit. And she looks to Jesus, who endured the horror of the cross because He loved God with all of His heart. Knowing Jesus didn’t want the cup of suffering, yet accepted it with humility, helps Jackie run the Christian race with endurance. Endurance and spiritual growth became the inspiration for Jackie’s second album, Crescendo, which was hailed as “stunning,” “flawless,” and arguably “the best hip-hop album of the year.” Although she began experimenting with rap simply for creative expression, Jackie soon saw it as another platform to share the gospel. When asked about the album’s title, the talented artist says, “In music theory, ‘crescendo’ means the increase in sound. So I wanted to apply that to faith. When you’re in Christ, as your faith increases, your fruit should get louder. You love more, you’re more generous, more attentive to the needs of people. You listen well. Things begin to change as your faith becomes more evident.” She wrote the album to mimic that spiritual progression. The first track begins on a low note with “Lamentations,” a rap about the reality of sin and the tendency for Jackie to forget she’s been forgiven. Taking listeners through an honest exploration of spiritual growth, Crescendo ends on a high note, celebrating how the Lord saved Jackie through His gospel, initiated her Christian walk, and sustains her to this day. The Power of Legacy A gifted communicator and lyricist, Jackie isn’t just impacting culture with wordcraft. She’s also building a spiritual legacy for her children. Because of her childhood trauma, the idea of raising daughters was terrifying. But she’s found so much joy in becoming a mom. Jackie says, “When I think of parenthood, I know I’m only called to steward these children and disciple them and hope they will love the Lord with all their hearts, souls, minds, and strength. When I was carrying Eden, Titus 2 really spoke to me about the older women teaching the younger women. "Once I realized what a privilege it would be to raise up a woman in my home, I welcomed the challenge.” As Jackie reflects on the last decade, she gives God all the glory and praise. Without Christ, she wouldn’t have her precious daughters, would have missed out on beautiful friendships, and would never have experienced being loved by a man for the first time in her life. “If God hadn’t rescued me, none of this would be possible,” Jackie says. “Life still has its challenges, for sure. But it’s better. It’s so much better.” This article courtesy of HomeLife magazine.

Romance After Kids

“Romance is the privilege of the rich, not the profession of the unemployed,” wrote Oscar Wilde. “The poor should be practical and prosaic.” I can partially relate to this sentiment. While I am not, in any estimation, to be numbered among the financially poor, I may be considered more impoverished in the currencies of independence and time. I am a father of five. My wife is currently recovering from COVID-19, and we are rounding out our second extended quarantine of the last two months. And in the last few days, two of our children’s stomachs have decided to expel their contents. Our world orbits around need; and needs call for a more practical and prosaic season of life that all but excludes the possibility of romance, right? Quality time — undistracted and full of energy — seems like the privilege of the bourgeois. But is it? Should we pause romance in this season? Should we simply acknowledge that we are shoulder-to-shoulder, not face-to-face, as we battle for the kindness and cleanliness of our kids? Why Romance Is Worth Pursuing I don’t believe we should pause romance in the demanding and chaotic world of parenting. Consider at least three reasons why. First, delight in beauty is the sustaining substance of life. The battlefield of child-rearing is not for the faint of heart. Without consistent moments to be refueled together by the beauty of God in his creation (I’m thinking Psalm 19-style sunrises and sunsets, rich flavors, unforgettable melodies, and especially the divine image in each other), we will succumb to fatigue and forget why we’re raising the children to begin with. Second, children need their parents’ affection for each other. God created parenting to be a completion of joy, an overflow of it. It is a Trinitarian image, whereby the mutual delight of the parents spills itself into creation. To quote thirteenth-century theologian Meister Eckhart (speaking in human terms and however imprecisely), “God laughed and begot the Son. Together they laughed and begot the Holy Spirit. And from the laughter of the Three, the universe was born.” The nourishing and cherishing of Ephesians 5 doesn’t simply transfer to your children. “No one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church” (Ephesians 5:29) — I am convicted as I type. Spouses (with a special emphasis on husbands) are called to invest deeply into one another, with the nourishing and cherishing of one’s own body, implying more than mere functional living or co-laboring. “Cherish,” after all, is not a prosaic word. It is infused with deep delight, the kind of word husbands search for to express their affection in a poem or song. Practical Advice for Married Couples So, let’s get practical (but not prosaic). What might romance look like in the season of survival on the Serengeti that is parenting? What follows is a list that mingles my own successes, failures, sin, and idealism, ranging from the mundane to the magical. Okay, mostly mundane. Most of it lives miles from a gondola in Venice, but placed on the battle for the souls of your children, every intentional face-to-face moment really helps. Take what helps. 1. Wake up together. Most husbands need less sleep than their wives, but trying to coordinate either sleep or wake time can be good for your marriage. For us, it’s been wake time most recently. We get up most mornings before the kids are stirring. Yes, it’s dark. It feels like the middle of the night (because it is) and our eyes are bleary. But the world is quiet and we rehearse the mercies of God out loud to one another, and of course to him, as we paraphrase the Psalms. We directly thank him for the undeserved gift of one another — boom, romance. 2. Take a few minutes to connect. This must be intentional, and it usually can’t be during dinner. Dinner is a wonderful opportunity to shepherd your children, but in most larger families, it is likely too chaotic to be a face-to-face moment with a spouse. The moment I’m speaking of is right after the kids are in bed. The reason it must be intentional is that you are likely drifting into a trance of fatigue, and some form of unwinding seeks your attention. But so does your spouse’s soul. And to turn to one another, without the television on or the phone in hand, and simply say, “Tell me about your day,” is fresh wind for your marriage. I might even recommend a few fun questions to pull from a hat in order to engage one another with more intrigue and substance. 3. Play. After ten o’clock on most nights, my wife loses much of her filter to weariness and goes into full sass mode. She throws playful jabs my way and laughs until she cries, and I tend to amplify her delight with my over-the-top responses. It would probably look to the outsider like two middle school kids flirting, but it is an ironic display of marital safety and affection that is probably indispensable in this season. I would be hard-pressed to overstate the value of humor as a means of romantic connection. 4. Write to one another. Even if you say you’re not a “words of affirmation” person, you are more than you realize. Your spouse is too. And when the words are written rather than simply spoken, they affect us powerfully. I think it’s because those words reflect deeper thought, deeper consideration, and deeper investment of time than something more spontaneous. That’s why a text message stating affection is good, but a sonnet is better. Or even a limerick if you’re not into iambic pentameter. 5. Get out into creation. The heavens declare the romantic heart of God. The sun exclaims the joy and love of the Bridegroom (Psalm 19:1–5). A breeze whispers his gentleness, and the autumn leaves remind us of the beauty of Christ’s death. It doesn’t take the reservation of an Airbnb in Montana to engage the created world together. We sat on the back porch for a few minutes this week and marveled at the sudden bright yellows of the leaves behind the house. Consistent peeks outside or regular walks around the neighborhood, especially hand in hand, can bring peace to chaos. Speaking of hand in hand . . . 6. Show physical affection. Keep holding hands in public. Or start holding hands in public. Half-mindlessly rub her back while you’re sitting on the couch. Don’t let the heckling of your teenagers keep you from a spontaneous hug in the kitchen. There was a moment, likely when you were dating, when the brush of your now-spouse’s hand was electric. The same desire, albeit without the giddiness, still resides in you. Touch is connection, and connection between two desire-laden, God-imaging souls is at the heart of romance. 7. Recall the wonders of God in your family’s life. This is a clear command and practice in Scripture (see Psalm 136), and it is a poetic moment when practiced well. It ought to be a normative part of your prayer life, but we find it helpful to also formalize the practice. Each year on our anniversary, we pull out a journal and jog our memories about all the big events and sweet moments of the previous year. It is a connecting moment of sentiment, laughter, and gratitude. 8. Get away and dream. This is a privilege that not all parents have the resources to enact. It requires willing babysitters (often family because of the sizable commitment) and sometimes money. We went three years without a night away at one point. And again, it doesn’t have to be in some exotic bungalow in Fiji. But one of our fonder marital memories was a simple switching of houses with my parents for a night so that we could come out of the winds and talk uninterruptedly about what the Lord might have for our future. 9. Play music. I don’t mean that you need to turn your family into the Von Trapps. If anyone in your family can conjure a melody with voice or violin, all the better, but I am here referring to a simple song in the background. Whether it’s a hymn (Indelible Grace gets a lot of air time in our household), a soundtrack, or a beat to dance to, music awakens the soul. It allows easier access to emotion and meaning in the mundane moments. Use the gift of Spotify or a phonograph. 10. Speak the delights of God to your spouse. While this is an admittedly shoulder-to-shoulder activity (since your collective gaze is elsewhere), it is akin to watching a sunset or a play, only with deeper relational weight. After all, you are fostering the romance between your spouse and the true Bridegroom. To speak the wonders of God’s holiness, his fatherly delight, and the wonders of his love, is to kindle the soul. So don’t just memorize Scripture. Memorize it in order to tell her of the dimensions of the love of Christ, and so fill her with the fullness of God (Ephesians 3:19). Life, even the life of a child-chasing parent, is magical. And marriage, even the mostly shoulder-to-shoulder kind that is stretched to its limit by fatigue and chaos, is still a picture of Christ and the church. Ask your heavenly Bridegroom for eyes to see that afresh and the energy to enact a bit of intentional romance. Article by Matt Reagan

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