Ready Or Knot (12 Conversations Every Couple Needs To Have Before Marriage) Order Printed Copy
- Author: Scott Kedersha
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About the Book
"Ready or Knot" by Scott Kedersha is a guidebook for engaged couples, offering practical advice on 12 important conversations every couple should have before getting married. The book explores topics such as communication, finances, conflict resolution, and more, helping couples build a strong foundation for a successful marriage.
George Whitefield
George Whitefield was born at Gloucester in 1714. His mother kept the Bell Inn, and appears not to have prospered in business; at any rate, she never seems to have been able to do anything for her sonâs advancement in life. Whitefieldâs early life, according to his own account, was anything but religious; though, like many boys, he had occasional prickings of conscience and spasmodic fits of devout feeling. He confesses that he was âaddicted to lying, filthy talking, and foolish jestingâ, and that he was a âSabbath-breaker, a theatre-goer, a card-player, and a romance readerâ. All this, he says, went on till he was fifteen years old.
Poor as he was, his residence at Gloucester procured him the advantage of a good education at the Free Grammar School of that city. Here he was a day-scholar until he was fifteen. The only known fact about his schooldays is this curious one, that even then he was remarkable for his good elocution and memory, and was selected to recite speeches before the Corporation of Gloucester at their annual visitation of the Grammar School.
At the age of fifteen Whitefield appears to have left school, and to have given up Latin and Greek for a season. In all probability, his motherâs straitened circumstances made it absolutely necessary for him to do something to assist her in business and to get his own living. He began, therefore, to help her in the daily work of the Bell Inn. âAt lengthâ, he says, âI put on my blue apron, washed cups, cleaned rooms, and, in one word, became a professed common drawer for nigh a year and a half.â This, however, did not last long. His motherâs business at the Bell did not flourish, and she finally retired from it altogether.
An old school-fellow revived in his mind the idea of going to Oxford, and he went back to the Grammar School and renewed his studies. At length, after several providential circumstances had smoothed the way, he entered Oxford as a servitor at Pembroke at the age of eighteen. Whitefieldâs residence at Oxford was the great turning-point in his life. For two or three years before he went to the University his journal tells us that he had not been without religious convictions, But from the time of his entering Pembroke College these convictions fast ripened into decided Christianity. He diligently attended all means of grace within his reach. He spent his leisure time in visiting the city prison, reading to the prisoners, and trying to do good. He became acquainted with the famous John Wesley and his brother Charles, and a little band of like-minded young men. These were the devoted party to whom the name âMethodistsâ was first applied, on account of their strict âmethodâ of living.
At one time he seems to have been in danger of becoming a semi-papist, an ascetic, or a mystic, and of placing the whole of religion in self-denial. He says in his Journal, âI always chose the worst sort of food. I fasted twice a week. My apparel was mean. I thought it unbecoming a penitent to have his hair powdered. I wore woollen gloves, a patched gown, and dirty shoes; and though I was convinced that the kingdom of God did not consist in meat and drink, yet I resolutely persisted in these voluntary acts of self-denial, because I found in them great promotion of the spiritual life.â
Out of all this darkness he was gradually delivered, partly by the advice of one or two experienced Christians, and partly by reading such books as Scougalâs Life of God in the Soul of Man, Lawâs Serious Call, Baxterâs Call to the Unconverted, Alleineâs Alarm to Unconverted Sinners, and Matthew Henryâs Commentary. âAbove allâ, he says, âmy mind being now more opened and enlarged, I began to read the Holy Scriptures upon my knees, laying aside all other books, and praying over, if possible, every line and word. This proved meat indeed and drink indeed to my soul. I daily received fresh life, light, and power from above. I got more true knowledge from reading the Book of God in one month than I could ever have acquired from all the writings of men.â
Once taught to understand the glorious liberty of Christâs gospel, Whitefield never turned again to asceticism, legalism, mysticism, or strange views of Christian perfection. The experience received by bitter conflict was most valuable to him. The doctrines of free grace, once thoroughly grasped, took deep root in his heart, and became, as it were, bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. Of all the little band of Oxford Methodists, none seem to have got hold so soon of clear views of Christâs gospel as he did, and none kept it so unwaveringly to the end.
At the early age of twenty-two Whitefield was admitted to holy orders by Bishop Benson of Gloucester, on Trinity Sunday, 1736. His ordination was not of his own seeking. The bishop heard of his character from Lady Selwyn and others, sent for him, gave him five guineas to buy books, and offered to ordain him, though only twenty-two years old, whenever he wished. This unexpected offer came to him when he was full of scruples about his own fitness for the ministry. It cut the knot and brought him to the point of decision. âI began to thinkâ, he says, âthat if I held out longer I should fight against God.â
Whitefieldâs first sermon was preached in the very town where he was born, at the church of St Mary-le-Crypt, Gloucester â âAs I proceeded I perceived the fire kindled, till at last, though so young and amidst a crowd of those who knew me in my childish days, I was enabled to speak with some degree of gospel authority.â
Almost immediately after his ordination, Whitefield went to Oxford and took his degree as Bachelor of Arts. He then commenced his regular ministerial life by undertaking temporary duty at the Tower Chapel, London, for two months. While engaged there he preached continually in many London churches; and among others, in the parish churches of Islington, Bishopsgate, St Dunstanâs, St Margaretâs, Westminster, and Bow, Cheapside. From the very first he obtained a degree of popularity such as no preacher, before or since, has probably ever reached. Whether on week-days or Sundays, wherever he preached, the churches were crowded, and an immense sensation was produced. The plain truth is, that a really eloquent, extempore preacher, preaching the pure gospel with most uncommon gifts of voice and manner, was at that time an entire novelty in London. The congregations were taken by surprise and carried by storm.
From London he removed for two months to Dummer, a little rural parish in Hampshire, near Basingstoke. From there he accepted an invitation, which had been much pressed on him by the Wesleys, to visit the colony of Georgia in North America, and assist in the care of an Orphan House which had been set up near Savannah for the children of colonists. After preaching for a few months in Gloucestershire, and especially at Bristol and Stonehouse, he sailed for America in the latter part of 1737, and continued there about a year. The affairs of this Orphan House, it may be remarked, occupied much of his attention from this period of his life till he died. Though well-meant, it seems to have been a design of very questionable wisdom, and certainly entailed on Whitefield a world of anxiety and responsibility to the end of his days.
Whitefield returned from Georgia at the latter part of the year 1738, partly to obtain priestâs orders, which were conferred on him by his old friend Bishop Benson, and partly on business connected with the Orphan House. He soon, however, discovered that his position was no longer what it was before he sailed for Georgia. The bulk of the clergy were no longer favourable to him, and regarded him with suspicion as an enthusiast and a fanatic. They were especially scandalized by his preaching the doctrine of regeneration or the new birth, as a thing which many baptized persons greatly needed! The number of pulpits to which he had access rapidly diminished. Churchwardens, who had no eyes for drunkenness and impurity, were filled with intense indignation about what they called âbreaches of orderâ. Bishops who could tolerate Arianism, Socinianism, and Deism, were filled with indignation at a man who declared fully the atonement of Christ and the work of the Holy Ghost, and began to denounce him openly. In short, from this period of his life, Whitefieldâs field of usefulness within the Church of England narrowed rapidly on every side.
The step which at this juncture gave a turn to the whole current of Whitefieldâs ministry was his adoption of the system of open-air preaching. Seeing that thousands everywhere would attend no place of worship, spent their Sundays in idleness or sin, and were not to be reached by sermons within walls, he resolved, in the spirit of holy aggression, to go out after them âinto the highways and hedgesâ, on his Masterâs principle, and âcompel them to come inâ. His first attempt to do this was among the colliers at Kingswood near Bristol, in February, 1739. After much prayer he one day went to Hannam Mount, and standing upon a hill began to preach to about a hundred colliers upon Matthew 5:1-3. The thing soon became known. The number of hearers rapidly increased, till the congregation amounted to many thousands.
Whitefieldâs own account of the behaviour of these neglected colliers, who had never been in a church in their lives, is deeply affecting: âHavingâ, he writes to a friend, âno righteousness of their own to renounce, they were glad to hear of a Jesus who was a friend to publicans, and came not to call the righteous but sinners to repentance. The first discovery of their being affected was the sight of the white gutters made by their tears, which plentifully fell down their black cheeks as they came out of their coal-pits. Hundreds of them were soon brought under deep conviction, which, as the event proved, happily ended in a sound and thorough conversion.â
Two months after this Whitefield began the practice of open-air preaching in London, on 27 April, 1739. The circumstances under which this happened were curious. He had gone to Islington to preach for the vicar, his friend Mr Stonehouse. In the midst of the prayer the churchwardens came to him and demanded his licence for preaching in the diocese of London. Whitefield, of course, had not got this licence. The upshot of the matter was, that being forbidden by the churchwardens to preach in the pulpit, he went outside after the communion-service, and preached in the churchyard. From that day forward he became a constant field-preacher, whenever weather and the season of the year made it possible.
Two days afterwards, on Sunday, April 29th, he records: âI preached in Moorfields to an exceeding great multitude. Being weakened by my morningâs preaching, I refreshed myself in the afternoon by a little sleep, and at five went and preached at Kennington Common, about two miles from London, when no less than thirty thousand people were supposed to be present.â Henceforth, wherever there were large open spaces round London, wherever there were large bands of idle, godless, Sabbath-breaking people gathered together, in Hackney Fields, Mary-le-bonne Fields, May Fair, Smithfield, Blackheath, Moorfields, and Kennington Common, there went Whitefield and lifted up his voice for Christ. The gospel so proclaimed was listened to and greedily received by hundreds who never dreamed of going to a place of worship.
The ministrations of Whitefield in the pulpits of the Church of England from this time almost entirely ceased. He loved the Church in which he had been ordained; he gloried in her Articles; he used her Prayer-book with pleasure. But the Church did not love him, and so lost the use of his services. The Church was too much asleep to understand him, and was vexed at a man who would not keep still and let the devil alone.
The facts of Whitefieldâs history from this period to the day of his death are almost entirely of one complexion. One year was just like another; and to attempt to follow him would be only going repeatedly over the same ground. From 1739 to the year of his death, 1770, a period of thirty-one years, his life was one uniform employment, and he was always about his Masterâs business. From Sunday mornings to Saturday nights, from the 1st of January to the 31st of December, excepting when laid aside by illness, he was almost incessantly preaching Christ and going about the world entreating men to repent and come to Christ and be saved. There was hardly a considerable town in England, Scotland, or Wales, that he did not visit as an evangelist. When churches were opened to him he gladly preached in churches; when only chapels could be obtained, he cheerfully preached in chapels. When churches and chapels alike were closed, or were too small to contain his hearers, he was ready and willing to preach in the open air.
For thirty-one years he laboured in this way, always proclaiming the same glorious gospel, and always, as far as manâs eye can judge, with immense effect. In one single Whitsuntide week, after preaching in Moorfields, he received one thousand letters from people under spiritual concern, and admitted to the Lordâs table three hundred and fifty persons. In the thirty-four years of his ministry it is reckoned that he preached publicly eighteen thousand times.
His journeyings were prodigious, when the roads and conveyances of his time are considered. He visited Scotland fourteen times; he crossed the Atlantic seven times, backward and forward, in miserable slow sailing ships, and arrested the attention of thousands in Boston, New York, and Philadelphia. He went over to Ireland twice, and on one occasion was almost murdered by an ignorant Popish mob in Dublin. As to England and Wales, he traversed every county in them, from the Isle of Wight to Berwick-on-Tweed, and from the Landâs End to the North Foreland.
His regular ministerial work in London for the winter season, when field-preaching was necessarily suspended, was something prodigious. His weekly engagements at the Tabernacle in Tottenham Court Road, which was built for him when the pulpits of the Established Church were closed, comprised the following work: Every Sunday morning he administered the Lordâs Supper to several hundred communicants at half-past six. After this he read prayers, and preached both morning and afternoon. Then he preached again in the evening at half-past five, and concluded by addressing a large society of widows, married people, young men and spinsters, all sitting separately in the area of the Tabernacle, with exhortations suitable to their respective stations. On Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings, he preached regularly at six. On Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday evenings, he delivered lectures. This, it will be observed, made thirteen sermons a week! And all this time he was carrying on a large correspondence with people in almost every part of the world. That any human frame could so long endure the labours that Whitefield went through does indeed seem wonderful. That his life was not cut short by violence, to which he was frequently exposed, is no less wonderful. But he was immortal till his work was done.
He died at last very suddenly at Newbury Port, in North America, on Sunday, 29 September, 1770, at the comparatively early age of fifty-six. He was once married to a widow named James, of Abergavenny, who died before him. If we may judge from the little mention made of his wife in his letters, his marriage does not seem to have contributed much to his happiness. He left no children, but he left a name far better than that of sons and daughters. Never perhaps was there a man of whom it could be so truly said that he spent and was spent for Christ than George Whitefield.
[Adapted from J. C. Ryleâs âGeorge Whitefield and His Ministryâ in Select Sermons of George Whitefield; see also George Whitefieldâs Journals, Robert Philipâs Life and Times of George Whitefield, and Arnold Dallimoreâs 2-volume biography George Whitefield.]
your letter to your future spouse
I vividly remember the first time I saw the movie Titanic . The passionate love between Jack and Rose awakened something fierce in my little preteen heart. I thought little of marriage before that movie. Now it consumed my thoughts and dreams. For my friends and me, riding off into the sunset with our respective Jack Dawsons became the ultimate goal in life. We quickly believed the lie that a committed, romantic relationship was all we needed to be okay. Marriage became a savior. As Rose said at the end of the movie, âThere was a man named Jack Dawson, and he saved me â in every way a person can be saved.â Though Titanic  is now twenty years old, the same romance-as-savior theme is still present in our culture. But surprisingly, many churches donât reject this lie. They Christianize it. Marriage Idolatry Youth leaders, aware of their teensâ lust for romance and sexual intimacy, are eager to steer students away from poor decisions, and rightly so. But instead of pointing to a present Christ as the promised prize in the fight against lust, far too many point to a future spouse. This strategy may succeed in preserving the virginity of young Christian teens, but the âthink about your future spouseâ approach misses the heart of the Bibleâs message that Jesus alone can satisfy. One specific manifestation of this is the practice of writing notes to a future spouse. There are dozens of Christian articles on how and why to write to a future husband or wife. Though many people believe in this practice and encourage it, it keeps our focus in the wrong place. It subtly (or overtly) puts our hope for happiness in someone other than Christ. Undoubtedly, marriage is a treasured gift many Christians will receive. Instituted by God before the fall, and intended to showcase the beauty of the gospel, marriage ought to be highly regarded by Godâs people. But marriage is no savior. It cannot rescue, redeem, or ultimately fulfill us. It has no final power to save us from our loneliness, emptiness, or purposelessness. Believing marriage can do the work of God himself is to serve an idol. So, in the interests of putting marriage in its proper place, here are four reasons to set your hope in a present Christ rather than a future husband or wife. 1. God doesnât promise marriage. God gives many promises for those in Christ, but none of them includes a spouse. Yes, marriage is a wonderful gift and one worth praying for, but God doesnât guarantee we will marry. Even for those who are given this gift, it is not promised for a lifetime, as many young widows can attest. This is a shocking reality to many, likely due to a misapplication of Psalm 37:4, âDelight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.â âIf I desire marriage,â we reason, âGod said I need only delight myself in him, and he will grant it!â But God does not specify how and when he will grant those desires. For example, other desires often sit underneath the desire for marriage â desires for intimacy, belonging, wholeness, and companionship. But these are all desires God promises to meet in himself, whether we get married or not. He does not need marriage to satisfy the ache in our hearts; he only needs himself. God will  give us the desires of our hearts â but in such a way that weâre singing praises to Jesus, not to a spouse. Donât hope in a promise that God has not given. Instead, put your hope somewhere secure: on the rock of Christ. 2. Marriage canât handle the pressure. Channeling all of our longings into marriage will crush it. No one person can handle the weight of our desires. The idea of a perfect mate can haunt us when weâre living side by side with another sinner. When we write romantic and idealistic letters to a future husband or wife, we set our hearts in the wrong place and build unrealistic expectations. The more we pour into the letters, the further our future husband or wife will fall short of our standards. Despairing disillusionment is common in Christian marriages likely because the partners have put too much hope in the marriage itself. Marriage is a terrible savior. But if we keep Jesus as our source of hope and joy, he will sustain us through every change in our relational status, and all the ups and downs of married life. 3. Singleness is not a subpar alternative. Eagerly hoping in a future spouse can be a way to avoid the sting of prolonged, unwanted singleness. But God doesnât see singleness as a curse â he sees it as a gift! The Bible calls singleness the greater alternative, one that promotes undistracted devotion to Jesus (1 Corinthians 7:32â35). Although itâs true that most people will marry, that doesnât prove that marriage satisfies. There are just as many unhappy married people as there are unhappy single people. Both groups face the same daily battle: Will I fight to find my joy in Jesus today? The longing for marriage does expose one truth: eternal life is found in intimacy, in knowing and being known. But the intimacy we were made for is not intimacy with a fellow sinner, but intimacy with God through Jesus: âThis is eternal life, that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sentâ (John 17:3). 4. God is supremely valuable. Banking our joy on a future spouse assumes we cannot be satisfied and whole without marriage. But marriage is not the grand prize of life â God is. He is the treasure in the field worth selling all we have to own. In Christ, our access to intimacy with God is certain. To know God through Christ is to find abundant life. Though it may be hard to believe on the days our prayers seem to bounce off the ceiling, the Psalms witness to this reality all over: âWhom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides youâ (Psalm 73:25). âA day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhereâ (Psalm 84:10). âIn your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermoreâ (Psalm 16:11). Though we cannot see, touch, and hear God like we can a fellow human, he is more real and more enjoyable than human intimacy ever can be. Draw near to him and he will draw near to you (James 4:8)! Take the energy you might put toward meditating on a future spouse and instead meditate on God, who has revealed himself to us in the pages of the Bible. The Marriage We Are Promised The end of Titanic  pictures a heavenly reunion of all those who died in the 1912 tragedy. A youthful Rose walks through the crowd and approaches her one true love, the one who saved her. Finally, she is united with Jack. Forever and ever, amen. Christian, do you recognize this narrative? It is a shadow of the happy ending awaiting us. One day, we will be reunited with believing friends and family members, and we will finally see our One True Love face-to-face, the One who saved us in every way a person can be saved. But it will not be our spouse, but Jesus. His love saves us, satisfies us, and sustains us. Married or single, he alone should be the central figure in our lives. Donât lay the weight of your desires, hopes, and dreams on an earthly marriage, but on Christ. Only his love is strong enough to sustain you.