GIP Library icon

Hbr's10 Must Reads On Emotional Intelligence Hbr's10 Must Reads On Emotional Intelligence

Hbr's10 Must Reads On Emotional Intelligence Order Printed Copy

  • Author:
  • Size: 2.53MB | 255 pages
  • |
Continue with
Google Twitter
LOG IN TO REVIEW
John and Betty Stam

John and Betty Stam The year 1934. Americans John and Betty Stam were serving as missionaries in China. One morning Betty was bathing her three-month-old daughter Helen Priscilla Stam when Tsingteh's city magistrate appeared. Communist forces were near, he warned, and urged the Stams to flee. So John Stam went out to investigate the situation for himself. He received conflicting reports. Taking no chances, he arranged for Betty and the baby to be escorted away to safety if need be. But before the Stams could make their break, the Communists were inside the city. By little-known paths, they had streamed over the mountains behind government troops. Now gun shots sounded in the streets as looting began. The enemy beat on the Stams' own gate. A faithful cook and maid at the mission station had stayed behind. The Stams knelt with them in prayer. But the invaders were pounding at the door. John opened it and spoke courteously to the four leaders who entered, asking them if they were hungry. Betty brought them tea and cakes. The courtesy meant nothing. They demanded all the money the Stams had, and John handed it over. As the men bound him, he pleaded for the safety of his wife and child. The Communists left Betty and Helen behind as they led John off to their headquarters. Before long, they reappeared, demanding mother and child. The maid and cook pleaded to be allowed to accompany Betty. "No," barked the captors, and threatened to shoot. "It is better for you to stay here," Betty whispered. "If anything happens to us, look after the baby." [When we consecrate ourselves to God, we think we are making a great sacrifice, and doing lots for Him, when really we are only letting go some little, bitsie trinkets we have been grabbing, and when our hands are empty, He fills them full of His treasures. --Betty Stam] Betty was led to her husband's side. Little Helen needed some things and John was allowed to return home under guard to fetch them. But everything had been stolen. That night John was allowed to write a letter to mission authorities. "My wife, baby and myself are today in the hands of the Communists in the city of Tsingteh. Their demand is twenty thousand dollars for our release. . . . We were too late. The Lord bless and guide you. As for us, may God be glorified, whether by life or by death." Prisoners in the local jail were released to make room for the Stams. Frightened by rifle fire, the baby cried out. One of the Reds said, "Let's kill the baby. It is in our way." A bystander asked, "Why kill her? What harm has she done?" "Are you a Christian?" shouted one of the guards. The man said he was not; he was one of the prisoners just released. "Will you die for this foreign baby?" they asked. As Betty hugged Helen to her chest, the man was hacked to pieces before her eyes. Terror in the Streets The next morning their captors led the Stams toward Miaosheo, twelve miles distant. John carried little Helen, but Betty, who was not physically strong, owing to a youthful bout with inflammatory rheumatitis was allowed to ride a horse part of the way. Terror reigned in the streets of Miaosheo. Under guard, the foreign family was hustled into the postmaster's shop. "Where are you going?" asked the postmaster, who recognized them from their previous visits to his town. "We do not know where they are going, but we are going to heaven," answered John. He left a letter with the postmaster. "I tried to persuade them to let my wife and baby go back from Tsingteh with a letter to you, but they would not let her. . . ." That night the three were held in the house of a wealthy man who had fled. They were guarded by soldiers. John was tied to a post all that cold night, but Betty was allowed enough freedom to tend the baby. As it turned out, she did more than that. Execution The next morning the young couple were led through town without the baby. Their hands were tightly bound, and they were stripped of their outer garments as if they were common criminals. John walked barefoot. He had given his socks to Betty. The soldiers jeered and called the town’s folk to come see the execution. The terrified people obeyed. On the way to the execution, a medicine-seller, considered a lukewarm Christian at best, stepped from the crowd and pleaded for the lives of the two foreigners. The Reds angrily ordered him back. The man would not be stilled. His house was searched, a Bible and hymnbook found, and he, too was dragged away to die as a hated Christian. John pleaded for the man’s life. The Red leader sharply ordered him to kneel. As John was speaking softly, the Red leader swung his sword through the missionary’s throat so that his head was severed from his body. Betty did not scream. She quivered and fell bound beside her husband’s body. As she knelt there, the same sword ended her life with a single blow. Betty Betty Scott was born in the United States but reared in China as the daughter of missionaries. She came to the United States and attended Wilson College in Pennsylvania. Betty prepared to follow in her parents’ footsteps and work in China or wherever else the Lord directed her. But China it proved to be. At a prayer meeting for China, she met John Stam and a friendship developed that ripened into love. Painfully they recognized that marriage was not yet possible. “The China Inland Mission has appealed for men, single men, to work in sections where it would be impossible to take a woman until more settled work has commenced,” wrote John. He committed the matter to the Lord, whose work, he felt, must come before any human affection. At any rate, Betty would be leaving for China before him, to work in an entirely different region, and so they must be separated anyhow. As a matter of fact, John had not yet even been accepted by the China Inland Mission whereas Betty had. They parted after a long tender day, sharing their faith, picnicking, talking, and praying. Betty sailed while John continued his studies. On July 1, 1932, John, too, was accepted for service in China. Now at least he could head toward the same continent as Betty. He sailed for Shanghai. Meanwhile, Betty found her plans thwarted. A senior missionary had been captured by the Communists in the region where she was to have worked. The mission directors decided to keep her in a temporary station, and later ill-health brought her to Shanghai. Thus without any choice on her part, she was in Shanghai when John landed in China. Immediately they became engaged and a year later were married, long before they expected it. In October, 1934 Helen Priscilla was born to them. What would become of her now that her parents John and Betty were dead? In the Hills For two days, local Christians huddled in hiding in the hills around Miaosheo. Among them was a Chinese evangelist named Mr. Lo. Through informants, he learned that the Communists had captured two foreigners. At first he did not realize that these were John and Betty Stam, with whom he had worked, but as he received more details, he put two and two together. As soon as government troops entered the valley and it was safe to venture forth, Mr. Lo hurried to town. His questions met with silence. Everyone was fearful that spies might report anyone who said too much. An old woman whispered to Pastor Lo that there was a baby left behind. She nodded in the direction of the house where John and Betty had been chained their last night on earth. Pastor Lo hurried to the site and found room after room trashed by the bandits. Then he heard a muffled cry. Tucked by her mother in a little sleeping bag, Helen was warm and alive, although hungry after her two day fast. The kindly pastor took the child in his arms and carried her to his wife. With the help of a local Christian family, he wrapped the bodies that still lay upon the hillside and placed them into coffins. To the crowd that gathered he explained that the missionaries had only come to tell them how they might find forgiveness of sin in Christ. Leaving others to bury the dead, he hurried home. Somehow Helen had to be gotten to safety. Pastor Lo's own son, a boy of four, was desperately ill -- semi-conscious after days of exposure. Pastor Lo had to find a way to carry the children a hundred miles through mountains infested by bandits and Communists. Brave men were found willing to help bear the children to safety, but there was no money to pay them for their efforts. Lo had been robbed of everything he had. From Beyond the Grave But from beyond the grave, Betty provided. Tucked in Helen's sleeping bag were a change of clothes and some diapers. Pinned between these articles of clothing were two five dollar bills. It made the difference. Placing the children in rice baskets slung from the two ends of a bamboo pole, the group departed quietly, taking turns carrying the precious cargo over their shoulders. Mrs. Lo was able to find Chinese mothers along the way to nurse Helen. On foot, they came safely through their perils. Lo's own boy recovered consciousness suddenly and sat up, singing a hymn. Eight days after the Stams fell into Communist hands, another missionary in a nearby city heard a rap at his door. He opened it and a Chinese woman, stained with travel, entered the house, bearing a bundle in her arms. "This is all we have left," she said brokenly. The missionary took the bundle and turned back the blanket to uncover the sleeping face of Helen Priscilla Stam. Many kind hands had labored to preserve the infant girl, but none kinder than Betty who had spared no effort for her baby even as she herself faced degradation and death. Kathleen White has written an excellent and very readable biography John and Betty Stam, available from Bethany House Publishers (1988). She reports that Betty's alma mater, Wilson College in Pennsylvania, took over baby Helen's support and covered the costs of her college education. She added: "Helen is living in this country (USA) with her husband and family but does not wish her identity and whereabouts to be made known." Resources: Huizenga, Lee S. John and Betty Stam; Martyrs. Zondervan, 1935. Pollock, John. Victims of the Long March and Other Stories. Waco, Texas.: Word Publishing, 1970. Taylor, Mrs. Howard. The Triumph of John and Betty Stam. China Inland Mission, 1935.

Act Like Men of God

How do men who believe in Jesus become more like Jesus? What is a man of God really like? When the apostle Paul wrote to a younger man, casting vision for what he might become in Christ, he charged him, Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. (1 Timothy 4:12) While the qualities in this verse may apply to young men and women alike, I find that they provide a simple yet challenging paradigm for becoming men of God. Previously, I addressed the first of these qualities, speech, with seven lessons for what men say. Now I want to press in to a godly man’s conduct. What does it mean for a man to set an example in his conduct? It’s an intentionally broad, all-encompassing term in Scripture, and it is often paired with speech (for example, Romans 15:18 and Colossians 3:17) — so, what we say and what we do. When it comes to our conduct, we might ask, What does the way we live say about Jesus? What kinds of conclusions would people draw about our Lord after watching us closely for a week, a month, a year? Uncommon Lifestyle In one sense, most of Paul’s letters address our conduct (directly or indirectly). In the immediate context of 1 Timothy, though, the elder qualifications in chapter 3 name and unpack some critical qualities of a godly man, including his conduct. While the qualifications are given for aspiring elders, they are not exclusive to these men — except, perhaps, for the ability to teach. Even with teaching, however, every man should aspire to handle God’s word faithfully, with accuracy and care. The qualities in the qualifications are simply what every Christian man should strive to be — and several of them speak specifically to how we live. The word that Paul uses for conduct also shows up a number of times in the apostle Peter’s letters (much more than in Paul), so we might also look to Peter to understand more fully what Paul charged Timothy (and us) to be and do. Between the elder qualifications and Peter’s instruction, we can isolate some specific ways men who believe in God become greater men of God in our conduct. This list of qualities is not exhaustive, but gives aspiring young men specific spiritual qualities to pursue. Men of Holiness Above all else, the lives of godly men are marked by holiness. “Do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, ‘You shall be holy, for I am holy’” (1 Peter 1:14–16). Some men continue to nurture and indulge the cravings of their flesh — lust, anger, greed, laziness, selfishness. Others wisely and joyfully seek to put to death their remaining sin (Romans 8:13). They strive to conform their conduct — all of their conduct — to the conduct of Christ (Romans 8:29). “What sort of men should we be? Holy men. Temptation-defying men. Sin-crucifying men.” “Since all these things [that is, heaven and earth] are thus to be dissolved,” Peter writes elsewhere, “what sort of people ought you to be in lives of holiness and godliness?” (2 Peter 3:11). We might translate the phrase “in lives of holiness” more literally as “in holy conduct” (the same word we’ve seen so far). So, in light of who Jesus really is, and the reality that he is coming again, what sort of men should we be? Holy men. Temptation-defying men. Sin-crucifying men. Not self-righteous men, but humble men who long to live like Jesus. Men of Self-Control Pursuing holiness will mean developing self-control. Women, of course, need self-control too (Titus 2:3–5). But given what God expects of heads of households and shepherds in the church, the cultivation of self-control is of particular importance for young men (1 Timothy 3:2; Titus 1:8). “This is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor” (1 Thessalonians 4:3–4). If we want our conduct to magnify the worth of our Savior, we have to learn how to control unholy and dishonorable impulses within us. And not just with our bodies, but with our time, our spending, even our attention. Growing in godliness will mean regularly saying no (and often to good things). “Make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control . . .” (2 Peter 1:5–6). Where do you need to grow in self-control? What do you struggle to say no to, even when you know you should? Men of Sincerity Men of God also pursue God with sincerity. “Our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity” (2 Corinthians 1:12). Sincerity is freedom from pretense or hypocrisy. A sincere man is the same in secret as he is everywhere else. His conduct is not a concerted effort to cover or compensate for his immaturities. It is the natural and consistent (not perfect) fruit of an increasingly healthy and holy soul. Paul’s counsel to servants applies well to all our conduct: “Obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord” (Colossians 3:22). This kind of man does not live and work to be seen a certain way, but lives and works knowing he is always seen by God. He fears God more than he fears the disapproval or rejection of others. And so those who know him well — those in his home, those in church, those he works with day in and day out at the office — know him to be the man he claims to be. Again, he is not perfect, but he is consistent, honest, and humble. Men Who Make Peace Another countercultural pattern among godly men is their commitment to pursue and keep peace. The qualifications say it negatively: a man must not be “quarrelsome” (1 Timothy 3:3). The clear message, though, is not simply an avoidance of petty disagreements, but a pursuit and protection of God-honoring peace. As Paul says elsewhere, “Let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding” (Romans 14:19). Or 2 Corinthians 13:11: “Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace.” In what relationships does this hit home most for you? In the polarized and hostile climate we live in, peacemaking will set men of God apart all the more. They are men who savor the promise, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9). These are men who disagree charitably and patiently, who initiate difficult private conversations, who take responsibility, who persevere in pursuing peace when others give up and walk away. They are quick to confess and apologize when they have sinned, and even quicker to forgive and restore when sinned against. They know that peace is not cheap, easy, or superficial, but costly, hard-earned, and profound, even miraculous. And so, as far as it depends on them, they pursue it (Romans 12:18). Men of the Home Before a man can lead the church, “he must manage his own household well” (1 Timothy 3:4). How could he shepherd a flock of dozens (or hundreds) if he can’t shepherd the few in his own home? Again, however, this ambition is not only for men aspiring to ministry, but for any man aspiring to maturity. Everything the godly man is and does in the world begins and springs from how he loves at home. Does he love his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25)? Does he train up his children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6), without provoking them to anger (Ephesians 6:4), treating them with dignity (1 Timothy 3:4)? “A sincere man is the same in secret as he is everywhere else.” This godly man is also hospitable (1 Timothy 3:2). Meaning, he not only cares well for those within his home, but he also welcomes others into his home. Home, for him, is not a place merely for rest and comfort, but for serving the kingdom of God — first, toward those of the household of faith (Romans 12:13), but also toward those who might yet believe (Hebrews 13:2). All of this is relevant to single men as well. First of all, if you eventually marry and have children, you are becoming now the man you will be then. Marriage will not make you a different man overnight; but it will soon reveal the kind of man you are. And even if you never marry, the heart of what is required here still applies. Are you the kind of man who cares for the needs of others — for roommates, for neighbors, for extended family, for the young and the old in your church? Singleness does not keep us from spiritual fatherhood and brotherhood. If anything, it may make us all the more available to those in need. Men Who Do Good In some ways, this last thread may help tie together the others. How do we set an example with our conduct? What does God want us to do? In the end, the man of God stands out for doing good. What Paul says to the rich applies to us all: “They are to do good, to be rich in good works” (1 Timothy 6:18). And not just rich in good works — so, doing lots of good works — but “zealous for good works” (Titus 2:14). The good of others, especially the eternal good of others — the good of knowing and enjoying Jesus — is an ambition these men bring to each day. It is the ambition of all their ambitions. These men know that just as God chose them before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4), he also prepared good works for them to walk in (Ephesians 2:10). They know that thousands and thousands of years before they were born, God laid out good for them to do — and not just over their lifetime, but today and tomorrow and next Tuesday. And they do not assume the good will just happen, but they give careful thought to how that good will happen (Titus 3:8; see also 3:14). The Man You Once Were Maybe the best way to assess what kind of men we are would be to assess what kind of men we once were. How much has knowing Christ changed you? Paul does not use the word for conduct in 1 Timothy 4:12 often, but when he does, he is describing who he was and how he lived before grace made him someone new: “You have heard of my former life in Judaism, how I persecuted the church of God violently and tried to destroy it” (Galatians 1:13). Or he is describing who we once were: “[You were taught in Christ] to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires” (Ephesians 4:22; see also 2:3). So how does your current manner of life — your time, your attention, your spending — correspond with your former manner of life? And if you came to faith younger than most, how does your current life correspond to the life you might have lived apart from Christ? Whoever you were, and whoever you are, Peter’s charge is a good one to end with: Conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of your exile, knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ. (1 Peter 1:17–19) Conduct yourself with a healthy, trusting, joyful fear of God. Conduct yourself as if Christ delivered you from the futility of worldliness. Conduct yourself as if your life was bought with the blood of heaven. Conduct yourself as a man chosen, saved, and sent by God. Article by Marshall Segal

Feedback
Suggestionsuggestion box
x