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About the Book
"Who Will Cry When You Die" by Robin Sharma is a self-help book that explores the importance of living a meaningful and fulfilling life. It offers practical advice on how to achieve personal growth, develop positive habits, and cultivate a sense of purpose in everyday life. The book encourages readers to reflect on their values, priorities, and relationships in order to create a more fulfilling and impactful existence.
John and Betty Stam
The year 1934. Americans John and Betty Stam were serving as missionaries in China. One morning Betty was bathing her three-month-old daughter Helen Priscilla Stam when Tsingteh's city magistrate appeared. Communist forces were near, he warned, and urged the Stams to flee.
So John Stam went out to investigate the situation for himself. He received conflicting reports. Taking no chances, he arranged for Betty and the baby to be escorted away to safety if need be. But before the Stams could make their break, the Communists were inside the city. By little-known paths, they had streamed over the mountains behind government troops. Now gun shots sounded in the streets as looting began. The enemy beat on the Stams' own gate.
A faithful cook and maid at the mission station had stayed behind. The Stams knelt with them in prayer. But the invaders were pounding at the door. John opened it and spoke courteously to the four leaders who entered, asking them if they were hungry. Betty brought them tea and cakes. The courtesy meant nothing. They demanded all the money the Stams had, and John handed it over. As the men bound him, he pleaded for the safety of his wife and child. The Communists left Betty and Helen behind as they led John off to their headquarters.
Before long, they reappeared, demanding mother and child. The maid and cook pleaded to be allowed to accompany Betty.
"No," barked the captors, and threatened to shoot.
"It is better for you to stay here," Betty whispered. "If anything happens to us, look after the baby."
[When we consecrate ourselves to God, we think we are making a great sacrifice, and doing lots for Him, when really we are only letting go some little, bitsie trinkets we have been grabbing, and when our hands are empty, He fills them full of His treasures. --Betty Stam]
Betty was led to her husband's side. Little Helen needed some things and John was allowed to return home under guard to fetch them. But everything had been stolen. That night John was allowed to write a letter to mission authorities. "My wife, baby and myself are today in the hands of the Communists in the city of Tsingteh. Their demand is twenty thousand dollars for our release. . . . We were too late. The Lord bless and guide you. As for us, may God be glorified, whether by life or by death."
Prisoners in the local jail were released to make room for the Stams. Frightened by rifle fire, the baby cried out. One of the Reds said, "Let's kill the baby. It is in our way." A bystander asked, "Why kill her? What harm has she done?"
"Are you a Christian?" shouted one of the guards.
The man said he was not; he was one of the prisoners just released.
"Will you die for this foreign baby?" they asked. As Betty hugged Helen to her chest, the man was hacked to pieces before her eyes.
Terror in the Streets
The next morning their captors led the Stams toward Miaosheo, twelve miles distant. John carried little Helen, but Betty, who was not physically strong, owing to a youthful bout with inflammatory rheumatitis was allowed to ride a horse part of the way. Terror reigned in the streets of Miaosheo. Under guard, the foreign family was hustled into the postmaster's shop.
"Where are you going?" asked the postmaster, who recognized them from their previous visits to his town. "We do not know where they are going, but we are going to heaven," answered John. He left a letter with the postmaster. "I tried to persuade them to let my wife and baby go back from Tsingteh with a letter to you, but they would not let her. . . ."
That night the three were held in the house of a wealthy man who had fled. They were guarded by soldiers. John was tied to a post all that cold night, but Betty was allowed enough freedom to tend the baby. As it turned out, she did more than that.
Execution
The next morning the young couple were led through town without the baby. Their hands were tightly bound, and they were stripped of their outer garments as if they were common criminals. John walked barefoot. He had given his socks to Betty. The soldiers jeered and called the townâs folk to come see the execution. The terrified people obeyed.
On the way to the execution, a medicine-seller, considered a lukewarm Christian at best, stepped from the crowd and pleaded for the lives of the two foreigners. The Reds angrily ordered him back. The man would not be stilled. His house was searched, a Bible and hymnbook found, and he, too was dragged away to die as a hated Christian.
John pleaded for the manâs life. The Red leader sharply ordered him to kneel. As John was speaking softly, the Red leader swung his sword through the missionaryâs throat so that his head was severed from his body. Betty did not scream. She quivered and fell bound beside her husbandâs body. As she knelt there, the same sword ended her life with a single blow.
Betty
Betty Scott was born in the United States but reared in China as the daughter of missionaries. She came to the United States and attended Wilson College in Pennsylvania. Betty prepared to follow in her parentsâ footsteps and work in China or wherever else the Lord directed her.
But China it proved to be. At a prayer meeting for China, she met John Stam and a friendship developed that ripened into love. Painfully they recognized that marriage was not yet possible. âThe China Inland Mission has appealed for men, single men, to work in sections where it would be impossible to take a woman until more settled work has commenced,â wrote John. He committed the matter to the Lord, whose work, he felt, must come before any human affection. At any rate, Betty would be leaving for China before him, to work in an entirely different region, and so they must be separated anyhow. As a matter of fact, John had not yet even been accepted by the China Inland Mission whereas Betty had. They parted after a long tender day, sharing their faith, picnicking, talking, and praying.
Betty sailed while John continued his studies. On July 1, 1932, John, too, was accepted for service in China. Now at least he could head toward the same continent as Betty. He sailed for Shanghai.
Meanwhile, Betty found her plans thwarted. A senior missionary had been captured by the Communists in the region where she was to have worked. The mission directors decided to keep her in a temporary station, and later ill-health brought her to Shanghai. Thus without any choice on her part, she was in Shanghai when John landed in China. Immediately they became engaged and a year later were married, long before they expected it. In October, 1934 Helen Priscilla was born to them. What would become of her now that her parents John and Betty were dead?
In the Hills
For two days, local Christians huddled in hiding in the hills around Miaosheo. Among them was a Chinese evangelist named Mr. Lo. Through informants, he learned that the Communists had captured two foreigners. At first he did not realize that these were John and Betty Stam, with whom he had worked, but as he received more details, he put two and two together. As soon as government troops entered the valley and it was safe to venture forth, Mr. Lo hurried to town. His questions met with silence. Everyone was fearful that spies might report anyone who said too much.
An old woman whispered to Pastor Lo that there was a baby left behind. She nodded in the direction of the house where John and Betty had been chained their last night on earth. Pastor Lo hurried to the site and found room after room trashed by the bandits. Then he heard a muffled cry. Tucked by her mother in a little sleeping bag, Helen was warm and alive, although hungry after her two day fast.
The kindly pastor took the child in his arms and carried her to his wife. With the help of a local Christian family, he wrapped the bodies that still lay upon the hillside and placed them into coffins. To the crowd that gathered he explained that the missionaries had only come to tell them how they might find forgiveness of sin in Christ. Leaving others to bury the dead, he hurried home. Somehow Helen had to be gotten to safety.
Pastor Lo's own son, a boy of four, was desperately ill -- semi-conscious after days of exposure. Pastor Lo had to find a way to carry the children a hundred miles through mountains infested by bandits and Communists. Brave men were found willing to help bear the children to safety, but there was no money to pay them for their efforts. Lo had been robbed of everything he had.
From Beyond the Grave
But from beyond the grave, Betty provided. Tucked in Helen's sleeping bag were a change of clothes and some diapers. Pinned between these articles of clothing were two five dollar bills. It made the difference.
Placing the children in rice baskets slung from the two ends of a bamboo pole, the group departed quietly, taking turns carrying the precious cargo over their shoulders. Mrs. Lo was able to find Chinese mothers along the way to nurse Helen. On foot, they came safely through their perils. Lo's own boy recovered consciousness suddenly and sat up, singing a hymn.
Eight days after the Stams fell into Communist hands, another missionary in a nearby city heard a rap at his door. He opened it and a Chinese woman, stained with travel, entered the house, bearing a bundle in her arms. "This is all we have left," she said brokenly.
The missionary took the bundle and turned back the blanket to uncover the sleeping face of Helen Priscilla Stam. Many kind hands had labored to preserve the infant girl, but none kinder than Betty who had spared no effort for her baby even as she herself faced degradation and death.
Kathleen White has written an excellent and very readable biography John and Betty Stam, available from Bethany House Publishers (1988). She reports that Betty's alma mater, Wilson College in Pennsylvania, took over baby Helen's support and covered the costs of her college education. She added: "Helen is living in this country (USA) with her husband and family but does not wish her identity and whereabouts to be made known."
Resources:
Huizenga, Lee S. John and Betty Stam; Martyrs. Zondervan, 1935.
Pollock, John. Victims of the Long March and Other Stories. Waco, Texas.: Word Publishing, 1970.
Taylor, Mrs. Howard. The Triumph of John and Betty Stam. China Inland Mission, 1935.
Food Rules
A graduate student sits at a booth with friends, his second drink near empty. âCan I refill you?â the waiter asks. A mother sees the chocolate as she reaches for her youngestâs sippy cup. She tries not to eat sugar in the afternoons, but sheâs tired and stressed, and the children arenât looking. A father comes back to the kitchen after putting the kids down. Dinner is done, but the leftover pizza is still sitting out. The day has drained him, and another few pieces seem harmless. Compared to the battles many fight â against addiction, against pornography, against anger, against pride â scenarios such as these may seem too trivial for discussion. Donât we have bigger sins to worry about than the gluttony of secret snacks and third helpings? And yet, food is a bigger battleground than many recognize. Do you remember Mosesâs terse description of the worldâs first sin? She took of its fruit and ate , and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate . (Genesis 3:6) Murder did not bar Adam and Eve from paradise â nor did adultery, theft, lying, or blasphemy. Eating  did. Our first parents ate their way out of Eden. And in our own way, so do we. Garden of Eating Food problems, whether large (buffet binging) or small (hidden, uncontrolled snacking), go back to the beginning. Our own moments before the refrigerator or the cupboard can, in some small measure, reenact that moment by the tree. And apart from well-timed grace from God, we often respond in one of two ungodly ways. âOur first parents ate their way out of Eden. And in our own way, so do we.â Some, like Adam and Eve, choose to indulge . They sense, on some level, that to eat is to quiet the voice of conscience and weaken the walls of self-control (Proverbs 25:28). They would recognize, if they stopped to ponder and pray, that this âeating is not from faithâ (Romans 14:23). But they neither stop, nor ponder, nor pray. Instead, they tip their glass for another drink, snatch and swallow the chocolate, grab a few more slices. Wisdomâs protest avails little against the suggestion of âjust one more.â âSince Eden,â Derek Kidner writes, âman has wanted the last ounce out of life, as though beyond Godâs âenoughâ lay ecstasy, not nauseaâ ( Proverbs , 152). And so, the indulgent drink and grab and sip and snack, forgetting that their grasping leads them, not deeper into Edenâs heart, but farther outside Edenâs walls, where, nauseous and bloated, they bow to the god called âbellyâ (Philippians 3:19; see also Romans 16:18). Meanwhile, others choose to deny . Their motto is not âEat, drink, be merryâ (Luke 12:19), but âDo not handle, do not taste, do not touchâ (Colossians 2:21). They frantically count calories, buy scales, and build their lives on the first floor of the food pyramid. Though they may not impose their diets on others, at least for themselves they ârequire abstinence from foods that God created to be received with thanksgivingâ (1 Timothy 4:3) â as if one should see Edenâs lawful fruit and say, âIâm good with grass.â If our God-given appetites are a stallion, some let the horse run unbridled, while others prefer to shut him up in a stable. Still others, of course, alternate (sometimes wildly) between the two. In Christ, however, God teaches us to ride. Appetite Redeemed Paulâs familiar command to âbe imitators of me, as I am of Christâ (1 Corinthians 11:1) comes, surprisingly enough, in the context of food  (see 1 Corinthians 8â10, especially 8:7â13 and 10:14â33). And the Gospels tell us why: in Jesus, we find appetite redeemed. âThe Son of Man came eating and drinking,â Jesus says of himself (Matthew 11:19) â and he wasnât exaggerating. Have you ever noticed just how often the Gospels mention food? Jesusâs first miracle multiplied wine (John 2:1â11); two of his most famous multiplied bread (Matthew 14:13â21; 15:32â39). He regularly dined as a guest at othersâ homes, whether with tax collectors or Pharisees (Mark 2:13â17; Luke 14:1). He told parables about seeds and leaven, feasts and fattened calves (Matthew 13:1â9, 33; Luke 14:7â11; 15:11â32). When he met his disciples after his resurrection, he asked, âHave you anything here to eat?â (Luke 24:41) â another time, he took the initiative and cooked them breakfast himself (John 21:12). No wonder he thought it good for us to remember him over a meal (Matthew 26:26â29). And yet, for all of his freedom with food, he was no glutton or drunkard. Jesus could feast, but he could also fast â even for forty days and forty nights when necessary (Matthew 4:2). At meals, you never get the sense that he was preoccupied with his plate; rather, God and neighbor were his constant concern (Mark 2:13â17; Luke 7:36â50). And so, when the tempter found him in his weakness, and suggested he make bread to break his fast, our second Adam gave a resolute no  (Matthew 4:3â4). Here is a man who knows how to ride a stallion. While some indulged, and others denied, our Lord Jesus directed  his appetite. Meeting Edenâs Maker If we are going to imitate Jesus in his eating, we will need more than the right food rules. Adam and Eve did not fall, youâll remember, for lack of a diet. No, we imitate Jesusâs eating only as we enjoy the kind of communion he had with the Father. This touches the root of the failure at the tree, doesnât it? Before Eve reached for the fruit, she let the serpent cast a shadow over her Fatherâs face. She let him convince her that the God of paradise, as Sinclair Ferguson writes, âwas possessed of a narrow and restrictive spirit bordering on the malignâ ( The Whole Christ , 80). The god of the serpentâs beguiling was a misanthrope deity, one who kept his best fruit on forbidden trees. And so, Eve reached. But through Jesus Christ, we meet God again: the real Maker of Eden, and the only one who can break and tame our appetites. Here is the God who made all the earthâs food; who planted trees on a hundred hills and said, âEat!â (Genesis 2:16); who feeds his people from âthe abundance of [his] house,â and gives âthem drink of the river of [his] delightsâ (Psalm 36:8); who does not withhold anything good from his own (Psalm 84:11); and who, in the fullness of time, withheld not even the greatest of all goods: his beloved Son (Romans 8:32). âWe eat, drink, and abstain to the glory of God only when we, like Jesus, taste God himself as our choicest food.â Unlike Adam and Eve, Jesus ate (and abstained) in the presence of this unfathomably good God. And so, when he ate, he gave thanks to the Giver (Matthew 14:19; 1 Corinthians 11:24). When he ran up against his Fatherâs âYou shall not eat,â he did not silence conscience or discard self-control, but feasted on something better than bread alone (Matthew 4:4). âMy food,â he told his disciples, âis to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his workâ (John 4:34). He knew there was a time to eat and a time to abstain, and that both times were governed by the goodness of God. We eat, drink, and abstain to the glory of God only when we, like Jesus, taste God himself as our choicest food (1 Corinthians 10:31; Psalm 34:8). Direct Your Appetite Admittedly, the line between just enough  and too much  is a blurry one, and even the most mature can fail to notice that border until theyâve eaten beyond it. Even still, between the overflowing plate of indulgence and the empty plate of denial is a third plate, one we increasingly discern and choose as the Spirit refines our heartâs palate. Here, we neither indulge nor deny our appetites, but like our Lord Jesus, we direct  them. So then, there you are, ready to grab another portion, take another drink, down another handful, though your best spiritual wisdom dictates otherwise. You are ready, in other words, to reach past Godâs âenoughâ once again. What restores your sanity in that moment? Not repeating the rules with greater fervor, but following the rules back to the mouth of an infinitely good God. When you sense that you have reached Godâs âenoughâ â perhaps through briefly stopping, pondering, praying â you have reached the wall keeping you from leaving the Eden of communion with Christ, that Food better than all food (John 4:34). And so, you walk away, perhaps humming a hymn to the God who is good: Thou art giving and forgiving, Ever blessing, ever blest, Wellspring of the joy of living, Ocean depth of happy rest! This is the Maker of Eden, the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. And if the real God is this  good, then we need not grasp for what he has not given.