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About the Book
"Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson is a marriage guide that emphasizes the importance of mutual respect and understanding between spouses. The book highlights the differences in how men and women perceive love and respect, and offers practical advice on how couples can communicate effectively and strengthen their relationship by meeting each other's needs.
Gladys Aylward
Gladys Aylward was born in London in 1904 (or a few years earlier). She worked for several years as a parlormaid, and then attended a revival meeting at which the preacher spoke of dedicating one's life to the service of God. Gladys responded to the message, and soon after became convinced that she was called to preach the Gospel in China. At the age of 26, she became a probationer at the China Inland Mission Center in London, but was failed to pass the examinations. She worked at other jobs and saved her money. Then she heard of a 73-year-old missionary, Mrs. Jeannie Lawson, who was looking for a younger woman to carry on her work. Gladys wrote to Mrs. Lawson and was accepted if she could get to China. She did not have enough money for the ship fare, but did have enough for the train fare, and so in October of 1930 she set out from London with her passport, her Bible, her tickets, and two pounds ninepence, to travel to China by the Trans-Siberian Railway, despite the fact that China and the Soviet Union were engaged in an undeclared war. She arrived in Vladivostok and sailed from there to Japan and from Japan to Tientsin, and thence by train, then bus, then mule, to the inland city of Yangchen, in the mountainous province of Shansi, a little south of Peking (Beijing). Most of the residents had seen no Europeans other than Mrs. Lawson and now Miss Aylward. They distrusted them as foreigners, and were not disposed to listen to them.
Yangchen was an overnight stop for mule caravans that carried coal, raw cotton, pots, and iron goods on six-week or three-month journeys. It occurred to the two women that their most effective way of preaching would be to set up an inn. The building in which they lived had once been an inn, and with a bit of repair work could be used as one again. They laid in a supply of food for mules and men, and when next a caravan came past, Gladys dashed out, grabbed the rein of the lead mule, and turned it into their courtyard. It went willingly, knowing by experience that turning into a courtyard meant food and water and rest for the night. The other mules followed, and the muleteers had no choice. They were given good food and warm beds at the standard price, and their mules were well cared for, and there was free entertainment in the evening--the inkeepers told stories about a man named Jesus. After the first few weeks, Gladys did not need to kidnap customers -- they turned in at the inn by preference. Some became Christians, and many of them (both Christians and non-Christians) remembered the stories, and retold them more or less accurately to other muleteers at other stops along the caravan trails. Gladys practiced her Chinese for hours each day, and was becoming fluent and comfortable with it. Then Mrs. Lawson suffered a severe fall, and died a few days later. Gladys Aylward was left to run the mission alone, with the aid of one Chinese Christian, Yang, the cook.
A few weeks after the death of Mrs. Lawson, Miss Aylward met the Mandarin of Yangchen. He arrived in a sedan chair, with an impressive escort, and told her that the government had decreed an end to the practice of footbinding. (Note: Among the upper and middle classes, it had for centuries been the custom that a woman's foot should be wrapped tightly in bandages from infancy, to prevent it from growing. Thus grown women had extremely tiny feet, on which they could walk only with slow, tottering steps, which were thought to be extremely graceful.) The government needed a foot-inspector, a woman (so that she could invade the women's quarters without scandal), with her own feet unbound (so that she could travel), who would patrol the district enforcing the decree. It was soon clear to them both that Gladys was the only possible candidate for the job, and she accepted, realizing that it would give her undreamed-of opportunities to spread the Gospel.
During her second year in Yangchen, Gladys was summoned by the Mandarin. A riot had broken out in the men's prison. She arrived and found that the convicts were rampaging in the prison courtyard, and several of them had been killed. The soldiers were afraid to intervene. The warden of the prison said to Gladys, "Go into the yard and stop the rioting." She said, "How can I do that?" The warden said, "You have been preaching that those who trust in Christ have nothing to fear." She walked into the courtyard and shouted: "Quiet! I cannot hear when everyone is shouting at once. Choose one or two spokesmen, and let me talk with them." The men quieted down and chose a spokesman. Gladys talked with him, and then came out and told the warden: "You have these men cooped up in crowded conditions with absolutely nothing to do. No wonder they are so edgy that a small dispute sets off a riot. You must give them work. Also, I am told that you do not supply food for them, so that they have only what their relatives send them. No wonder they fight over food. We will set up looms so that they can weave cloth and earn enough money to buy their own food." This was done. There was no money for sweeping reforms, but a few friends of the warden donated old looms, and a grindstone so that the men could work grinding grain. The people began to call Gladys Aylward "Ai-weh-deh," which means "Virtuous One." It was her name from then on.
Soon after, she saw a woman begging by the road, accompanied by a child covered with sores and obviously suffering severe malnutrition. She satisfied herself that the woman was not the child's mother, but had kidnapped the child and was using it as an aid to her begging. She bought the child for ninepence--a girl about five years old. A year later, "Ninepence" came in with an abandoned boy in tow, saying, "I will eat less, so that he can have something." Thus Ai-weh-deh acquired a second orphan, "Less." And so her family began to grow.... She was a regular and welcome visitor at the palace of the Mandarin, who found her religion ridiculous, but her conversation stimulating. In 1936, she officially became a Chinese citizen. She lived frugally and dressed like the people around her (as did the missionaries who arrived a few years after in in the neighboring town of Tsechow, David and Jean Davis and their young son Murray, of Wales), and this was a major factor in making her preaching effective.
Then the war came. In the spring of 1938, Japanese planes bombed the city of Yangcheng, killing many and causing the survivors to flee into the mountains. Five days later, the Japanese Army occupied Yangcheng, then left, then came again, then left. The Mandarin gathered the survivors and told them to retreat into the mountains for the duration. He also announced that he was impressed by the life of Ai-weh-deh and wished to make her faith his own. There remained the question of the convicts at the jail. The traditional policy favored beheading them all lest they escape. The Mandarin asked Ai-weh-deh for advice, and a plan was made for relatives and friends of the convicts to post a bond guaranteeing their good behavior. Every man was eventually released on bond. As the war continued Gladys often found herself behind Japanese lines, and often passed on information, when she had it, to the armies of China, her adopted country. She met and became friends with "General Ley," a Roman Catholic priest from Europe who had teken up arms when the Japanese invaded, and now headed a guerilla force. Finally he sent her a message. The Japanese are coming in full force. We are retreating. Come with us." Angry, she scrawled a Chinese note, Chi Tao Tu Pu Twai, "Christians never retreat!" He sent back a copy of a Japanese handbill offering $100 each for the capture, dead or alive, of (1) the Mandarin, (2) a prominent merchant, and (3) Ai-weh-deh. She determined to flee to the government orphanage at Sian, bringing with her the children she had accumulated, about 100 in number. (An additional 100 had gone ahead earlier with a colleague.) With the children in tow, she walked for twelve days. Some nights they found shelter with friendly hosts. Some nights they spent unprotected on the mountainsides. On the twelfth day, they arrived at the Yellow River, with no way to cross it. All boat traffic had stopped, and all civilian boats had been seized to keep them out of the hands of the Japanese. The children wanted to know, "Why don't we cross?" She said, "There are no boats." They said, "God can do anything. Ask Him to get us across." They all knelt and prayed. Then they sang. A Chinese officer with a patrol heard the singing and rode up. He heard their story and said, "I think I can get you a boat." They crossed, and after a few more difficulties Ai-weh-deh delivered her charges into competent hands at Sian, and then promptly collapsed with typhus fever and sank into delirium for several days.
As her health gradually improved, she started a Christian church in Sian, and worked elsewhere, including a settlement for lepers in Szechuan, near the borders of Tibet. Her health was permanently impaired by injuries received during the war, and in 1947 she returned to England for a badly needed operation. She remained in England, preaching there.
In 1957, Alan Burgess wrote a book about her, The Small Woman. It was condensed in The Reader's Digest, and made into a movie called The Inn of the Sixth Happiness, starring Ingrid Bergman. When Newsweek magazine reviewed the movie, and summarized the plot, a reader, supposing the story to be fiction, wrote in to say, "In order for a movie to be good, the story should be believable!" Miss Gladys Aylward, the Small Woman, Ai-weh-deh, died 3 January 1970.
the mouth of a godly man
What if men in the church are more immature and less equipped because we’ve been expecting too little of them? What if we have simply failed to call them to more than sexual purity online and basic spiritual disciplines? I want to be a part of raising up men who, instead of merely avoiding this or that sin, become a force for good — better, a force for God . And I want to be that kind of man, the kind of man my son should imitate. When the apostle Paul wrote to a younger man, casting vision for what he might become in Christ, he charged him, “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). In a previous article, I began recovering this simple but challenging framework as a paradigm for becoming a man of God. In this article, I want to narrow in on speech . What does it mean, more practically, to set an example in what a man says (or doesn’t say)? What about our words  sets us apart from other men? Words really do matter. Jesus himself says, “I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matthew 12:36–37). Every careless word . Men of God learn to trade careless words for thoughtful ones. While many today speak, text, and tweet whatever they think or feel without a second thought, these men weigh the serious weight of what they say. They speak as if God is listening, because he is. And they know that what they say  reveals who they are  (Luke 6:45). They tremble over the consequences of sentences. They work to make their words a deeper and fuller well of grace. Seven Lessons for What We Say Wanting to set an example with our speech, what kind  of example should we set? What does a man of God sound like in the wild? The letters of Paul say a great deal about what we say, distilled below into seven lessons (a list that is by no means comprehensive). Before we get into the seven, though, one verse in particular might serve as a worthy banner over the rest: Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. (Colossians 4:6) If we want to set a good example in our speech, we should strive for our words to be a grace  to others. Do our words consistently and effectively minister the grace of God to those who hear? Do they lead them to see and savor more of God? “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths,” Paul says elsewhere, “but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear ” (Ephesians 4:29). To fill out that graciousness, though, Paul gives us a number of specific principles for guarding our mouths and serving others in all we say. 1. Tell the truth about God. The first and most important lesson for our speech, especially in the context of Paul’s two letters to Timothy, is that we speak what is true about God and his word. The clear and immediate context of 1 Timothy 4:12 is teaching : Command and teach these things . Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching . (1 Timothy 4:11–13; see also Titus 2:7) Paul was writing to a young pastor, but this is not a word only for pastors (or aspiring pastors). Every man of God should aspire to know and teach what is true about God. What you believe and say about God is one of the most important things about you. Men who speak well in the world are men who first listen well to God in his word. “Men who speak well in the world are men who first listen well to God in his word.” Strive to know him as thoroughly and deeply as you can — to meditate on his law day and night (Psalm 1:1–2) — and to bear a faithful witness to others of who he really is. Day after day, arm yourself with “the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” (Ephesians 6:17). Prepare yourself to “make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you” (1 Peter 3:15). And then boldly tell others what God has revealed to you. 2. Tell the truth about everything. Telling the truth about God, however, ultimately means telling the truth about everything . Christian men are honest men — men of unquestionable integrity. That emphatically does not  mean they are always right, but they are manifestly committed to being true . Having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. (Ephesians 4:25; see also Colossians 3:9) Men of God do not fabricate or repeat lies, and they do not hide or obscure the truth. They take responsibility and accept the consequences, even when it costs them much. And being honest will cost us much. Typically, we lie to protect or serve ourselves (even if it’s serving ourselves by making someone else happy). Godly men know that honesty, however painful and costly in the moment, honors Christ and loves others. They know that peace and pleasure built on deceit are really treachery. They also know, and have tasted personally, the durable peace and pleasure of Spirit-filled integrity. 3. Build others up with your words. One thread in Paul’s letters proves to be an especially useful test for our speech: Do I use my words to build others up?  The apostle writes, Speaking the truth in love , we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love . (Ephesians 4:15–16; see also 4:12) As you think about your conversations over the last week, do you see a pattern of building other believers up? Consider not just the absence of tearing others down — anger, cynicism, gossip, impatience, slander, and so on — but the presence of encouragement. And not just nice compliments, but real encouragement  — words that build others’ faith and joy in God (Philippians 1:25). Building is hard work, and so building  language is not always comfortable or easy to hear, but it is always constructive and hopeful. So, “strive to excel in building up the church” (1 Corinthians 14:12), especially in what you say. 4. Avoid all foolishness and filthiness. If we do not make a habit of building others up with our words, we may fall into tearing them down — discouraging, wounding, even corrupting them. Again, Ephesians 4:29: “ Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths , but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Some words build up, and others corrupt. So what kind of language corrupts? Paul gives the same charge in greater detail in Colossians 3:8: “Now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.” And in Ephesians 5:4: “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place.” Social media is overrun — like that overgrown, weed-infested yard down the street — with these word sins. If we live online long enough, our senses will be dulled and corruption will begin to feel normal, acceptable, even justified. It is not normal, and it does not please God. Setting a godly example in speech often begins with refusing to indulge these temptations — to cut out words that gratify our flesh at the expense of someone else. 5. Be unusually thankful. Setting an example begins with emptying our speech of corruption, and the best way to force corruption out is to fill our speech with something else. “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving ” (Ephesians 5:4). Do you want your words to radiate grace? Thank God often, and out loud, for everything. Make sure that everyone in your life knows that everything you have is a gift of God (James 1:17). Strive to be unusually, stubbornly, even a little socially awkwardly thankful  (Colossians 2:7). How often do you meet someone who sounds like this? “Be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 5:18–20). How often have you tried to discipline your own mouth into grace-giving, joy-stirring streams like these? How much more often, like me, have you fallen out of thanksgiving into grumbling? “Sometimes faithfulness sounds like silence.” “Do all things without grumbling or disputing,” Paul says elsewhere, “that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world ” (Philippians 2:14–15). This light shines in what we say (or don’t). Ask God to make you radiantly thankful. 6. Correct with gentleness. Men of God committed to building others up do not always affirm and applaud. They know that building requires vigilance and regular correction, that mistakes along the way can have devastating consequences later on. So, as we build the church, we can’t afford to allow sins, errors, and blind spots to go unchecked and unconfronted. To honor God in our speech, men of God must  correct one another. And it is just as important how  we correct one another. “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness ” (Galatians 6:1). “The Lord’s servant . . . [corrects] his opponents with gentleness ” (2 Timothy 2:24–25). He could use his strength, like many other men, to be forceful, harsh, even brutal, but he chooses, instead, to be gentle — even when he has been sinned against. Instead of using his strength to overpower others, he uses his strength to restrain himself in love. He still confronts sin, but he does so with surprising patience and kindness. He knows that “a gentle tongue is a tree of life” (Proverbs 15:4). Part of pursuing godliness in speech and correcting with gentleness is being committed to making peace. “I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment” (1 Corinthians 1:10; see also Titus 3:2). “Blessed are the peacemakers,” Jesus promises, “for they shall be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9). In the midst of correction and conflict, even when we have to say a hard word, we should be fighting for peace — not a cheap or superficial peace, but a deep, healthy, enduring peace in the Lord. 7. Leave behind boasting in self. Another dominant thread in the apostle’s letters seems to be all the more relevant today: Those captured by grace leave behind all boasting in self. “God chose what is low and despised in the world . . . so that no human being might boast in the presence of God” (1 Corinthians 1:28–29). Men of God are known for building others up, and for being surprisingly quiet about their own abilities, achievements, and ministry. Good men don’t go around reminding people of how good they are. They live by the proverb, “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth” (Proverbs 27:2). Again, in our day, social media factors in significantly here. A social media profile gives us an opportunity to present ourselves however we want. And painfully few of us, when given the choice, show the world who we really are. We choose to highlight what we think makes us look good. We selectively post and comment based on what reflects well on us. In that way, social media easily becomes an education in self-boasting. We learn, through trial and error (and lots and lots of scrolling), what will win affirmation ( like ) and admiration ( follow ). “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 1:31; 2 Corinthians 10:17). Humble, faithful, joy-filled speech boasts less and less in self and more and more in God. Lord, Guard Our Mouths One lesson weaves in and out of the points above that’s worth calling out on its own. Godly men not only know what to say at certain times and in certain situations, but they also know when to say less, or nothing at all. Sometimes faithfulness sounds like silence. As Paul’s fellow apostle James writes, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak , slow to anger” (James 1:19). Men who speak well are consistently slow to speak, especially in situations where most people would rush to say something. What makes a wise man slow to speak? He knows the amazing power of his words, for better or for worse. “How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness” (James 3:5–6). The wise feel the palpable danger in what they might say. They know how subtly sin creeps in and sets everything (and everyone) on fire. “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent” (Proverbs 10:19). Prudence makes friends with self-control, patience, and wise silence. Slowness to speak, however, does not make our speech godly. Yes, we resist saying too much too soon, but we also fill our mouths with words of grace — with honesty, with encouragement, with thankfulness, with whatever will build others up. We set a positive, proactive, gracious example, always asking God to watch over all we say. Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth;      keep watch over the door of my lips! (Psalm 141:3)
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