Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken Order Printed Copy
- Author: Cindy Beall Craig
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About the Book
"Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken" by Cindy Beall Craig offers practical guidance and personal anecdotes for couples facing the betrayal of broken trust in their marriage. Through her own experiences of infidelity and restoration, Beall Craig offers hope, forgiveness, and practical steps for couples to rebuild trust and strengthen their relationship. The book explores themes of transparency, accountability, forgiveness, and the importance of seeking professional help when necessary.
Helen Roseveare
âIf Christ be God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for him.â That was her missionâs motto. In 1953, Helen sailed for the Congo with hopes of serve Christ as a medical missionary with WEC (Worldwide Evangelization Crusade). For so many years sheâd dreamed of being a missionary. As a young girl, sheâd hear stories of her aunt and uncleâs experiences on the mission field, and now she was eager to have her own stories to tell.
In 1925, Helen Roseveare was born in England. Because education was a high priority for her father, Helen was sent to a prestigious all girls school when she was 12. After that, she went to Cambridge. It was during her time in college that she became a Christian, truly understanding the gospel for the first time. She left her Anglo-Catholic background and became an evangelical. Her focus was to finish her medical degree and prepare herself for the mission field.
After she became a doctor, Helen sailed to minister in the Congo. She was highly intelligent and efficient, but her role as a woman created struggles with her fellow missionaries and nationals. In that time period, single missionaries were seen as second-class citizens of the mission station. In the Congo, the medical needs were overwhelming. She couldnât just stand by and watch all the suffering around her. She was determined to make a difference. She dreamed of establishing a training center where nurses would be taught the Bible and basic medicine and then sent back to their villages to handle routine cases, teach preventive medicine, and serve as lay evangelists. She didnât have approval from her colleagues, who believed that medical training for nationals was not a valid use of time, evangelism and discipleship were more important.
Despite the conflict with them, after only two years after arriving in the Congo, she had build a combination hospital/ training center in Ibambi, and her first four students had passed their government medical exams. Her colleagues werenât as excited about her progress as she was. They felt that she was wasting time, so they decided that she would better serve the Congo by relocating in Nebobongo, living in an old leprosy camp that had become overgrown by the jungle. Helen argued that she must stay and continue the nursing training in Ibambi, but they insisted that she move. It was a major setback, but she went. Starting from scratch again, she built another hospital there and continued training African nurses. Still, she was strong-willed and seemed to be a threat to many of her male colleagues. In 1957, they decided to relocate John Harris, a young British doctor, and his wife to Nebobongo to make him Helenâs superior. Dr. Harris even took charge of leading the Bible class that sheâd taught. She was devastated. Sheâd been her own boss for too long, and although she tried to let go of control, she just couldnât. Everything that had been hers was now his. This resulted in tension between them, of course. Her independence was her greatest strength, but also a definite weakness. She did not know how to submit to imperfect leadership. In 1958, after over a year of struggling with who was in control in Nebobongo, Helen left for England for a furlough. She was disillusioned with missionary work and felt like she might not ever go back to the Congo.
Back in England, she really struggled with why she had all these issues between herself and the male leaders in the Congo. She began to convince herself that her problem was her singleness. What she needed was a doctor-husband to work with her and be on her side during the power struggles! She didnât think that was too much to ask. So, she asked God for a husband, and told Him that she wouldnât go back as a missionary until she was married. She met a young doctor and decided he would be the one. (She wasnât very patient in waiting on the Lordâs timing.) She bought new clothes, permed her hair, and resigned from the mission, all to try and win his love. He did care for her, but not enough to marry her. Helen was heartbroken, mostly because sheâd wasted so much time and money trying to force her plan into reality - without God.
Still single, Helen returned to the mission and left for Congo in 1960. It was a tense time for that country. They had been seeking independence for a long time, so a huge civil war was on the verge of beginning. Many missionaries left because the risk was so high. Helen had no plans of going home. She believed that God had truly called her back to Congo and that He would protect her if she stayed. She was joined by a few other single women, who made it difficult for the men, they didnât want to look like sissies. She was given charge of the medical base in Nebobongo because John Harris and his wife left on furlough. She had so many opportunities to minister in the midst of the turmoil. She was sure that God had her right where He wanted her to be. She continued to learn to see God in the details of her life, to trust him more fully. She had been coming closer to total trust in God all of her life, between bouts of depression, sometimes feeling that she was not really a Christian because she was capable of spells of anger and bitterness and other sins. âI was unable to reach the standard I myself had set, let alone Godâs. Try as I would, I met only frustration in this longing to achieve, to be worthy.â She came to recognize that hatred of sin is a gift of the Holy Spirit.
Rebels were gaining strength, and there were reports of missionaries being attacked. Helen endured a burglary and an attempted poisoning, but always in her mind the situation was improving. She felt that she had to stay, because there was so much need and so many people depending on her. On August 15, the rebels took control of Nebobongo, and Helen was in captivity for the next 5 months. On the night of October 29, Helen was overpowered by rebel soldiers in her little bungalow. She tried to escape, but they found her and dragged her to her feet, struck her over the head and shoulders, flung her to the ground, kicked her, struck her over and over again. She was pushed back into her house and raped brutally without mercy. Helen suffered more sexual brutality before her release. God used this in her life to minister to other single women missionaries who feared that theyâd lost their purity due to a rape and thus their salvation. Helen knew that her relationship with God had not been damaged. She had not failed God in any way because of the rapes. Finally, on December 31, 1964 she was rescued. Helen had a sense of joy and relief, but also a sense of deep sorrow as she heard of many of her friendsâ martyrdom.
Helen returned to Africa for the third time in March of 1966. She served for 7 more years, but it was full of turmoil and disappointment. The Congo had changed since the war. There was a new spirit of independence and nationalism. They no longer respected the doctor whoâd sacrificed so much for them. Helen left Africa in 1973 with a broken spirit. Her 20 years of service in Africa ended in defeat and discouragement.
When she got home, she went through a very, very lonely period in her life. She turned to God. He was all she had. Instead of bitterness there was a new spirit of humility and a new appreciation for what Jesus had done for her on the cross. God was molding her for her next ministry. She became an internationally acclaimed spokes-woman for Christian missions. Her candid honesty was refreshing in a profession known as one of super sainthood. Helen mobilized people by showing them that God used imperfect people with real struggles to be his ambassadors to the unreached world.
By Rebecca HIckman
SOURCES
Roseveare, Helen: Give Me This Mountain (1966)
Roseveare, Helen: He Gave Us a Valley (1976)
Tucker, Ruth A.: From Jerusalem to Irian Jaya
the lost giant among giants: lessons from harold john ockenga
In September of 1966, John Piper was a junior at Wheaton College, studying for a career in medicine. In those days, Wheaton began its fall semesters with âSpiritual Emphasis Week.â Piper could not attend the sessions in person because he was sick with mononucleosis and was quarantined in the health center. However, a local radio station carried the sermons, so he listened while in quarantine. The preacher that week was Harold John Ockenga. Listening to Ockengaâs sermons changed Piperâs trajectory. He has referred to his time in quarantine as some of the âmost crucialâ weeks of his life. Why? Because this is when he sensed a strong call and desire to the ministry of the word. Piper remembers Ockengaâs preaching as the primary instrument God used that week to birth a sense of âcallingâ to preach â a calling still undimmed. By the end of that week, Piperâs heart was exploding with a desire to âhandle the word of God the way [Ockenga] was handling it.â Soon after, Piper switched from pre-med. After graduating from Wheaton College, he went on to study at Fuller Theological Seminary, the school cofounded by Ockenga. Piper is not the only prominent evangelical leader to have been greatly influenced by Harold Ockengaâs ministry. The famous evangelist Billy Graham once said, âI never met a man among evangelicals who could compare to the mighty intellect and spiritual development of Harold John Ockengaâ ( Awakening the Evangelical Mind , 66). Ockenga pastored in Boston for more than thirty years. He wrote a dozen books and countless articles. He was the driving force behind the resurgence of evangelical scholarship in the mid-twentieth century, he cofounded two seminaries (Fuller and Gordon-Conwell), and he was a close friend and mentor to several prominent evangelical leaders, including Graham and theologian Carl F.H. Henry. Harold Ockenga may not be a household name today, but it would not be a stretch to put Ockenga among the most influential pastors of the twentieth century. Early Life and Formation Ockenga was born in 1905 in Chicago. From a young age, he demonstrated a sharp mind, great oratory, and natural leadership skills. He professed faith at age 11 but had a life-transforming moment toward the ministry at a conference at age 17. Ockenga had originally planned to attend the University of Chicago to pursue law, but this conference experience led him toward theological studies at Taylor University in Indiana. While at Taylor, he joined the traveling ministry team, which gave him the opportunity to preach more than four hundred times before graduating. It proved to be valuable experience. After graduating from Taylor in 1927, Ockenga attended Princeton Theological Seminary to study under great scholars such as R.D. Wilson, Cornelius Van Til, and J. Gresham Machen. When Ockenga enrolled at Princeton, the institution was in the middle of a controversy that had been going on for nearly a decade between Modernists and Fundamentalists. The Modernists embraced an ideology with roots in the Enlightenment and the liberal theologians of the 1800s. Many questioned the veracity of Scripture, claiming that Christians ought to revise doctrine in the light of modern science. The Fundamentalists, in contrast, were committed to Christian orthodoxy, the authority and infallibility of the Bible, the divinity of Christ, and the priority of evangelism. The battle raged at Princeton throughout the 1920s. Of all the older theological schools and seminaries, Princeton was the only one that still taught orthodoxy. Unfortunately, the Modernists eventually gained control. Ockenga had a front-row seat to a watershed moment in American Christian history. This crucible experience shaped him. In 1929, Machen and a group of scholars left Princeton to launch Westminster Theological Seminary in Philadelphia. Ockenga left Princeton to attend the upstart Westminster and became Machenâs foremost protĂ©gĂ©. After graduating from Westminster, Ockenga briefly pastored in New Jersey before moving to Pittsburgh to serve as an assistant pastor for several years. While there, he earned his PhD from the University of Pittsburgh and met his wife, Audrey. Preaching at Park Street Church Ockenga became the pastor of the historic Park Street Church in 1936. Dr. A.Z. Conrad, the former pastor at Park Street, had been a prominent preacher with a successful radio ministry. These were big shoes for Ockenga to fill, but he was up to the task. Biographer Harold Lindsell commented that, immediately upon arriving at Park Street Church, Ockenga established himself as a âpreacherâs preacherâ ( Park Street Prophet , 75). Ockenga continued, and even expanded, Conradâs radio programming. People from all over New England and even parts of Canada tuned in regularly to hear Ockengaâs powerful expository sermons. His popularity grew as Park Street Church grew â in both numbers and influence. By the mid-1940s, the church had more than two thousand members, supported a horde of missionaries, and had become the most influential church in the region. Ockengaâs ministry was dynamic. He was a faithful and brilliant Bible expositor who engaged in theology, cultural commentary, church history, philosophy, and pulpit evangelism. He was unafraid to publicly rebuke false doctrines and to denounce political ideologies that he believed would impede human flourishing. When describing Ockengaâs preaching, author Owen Strachan says Ockenga preached âthat old-style Calvinism; he expounded the glories of aesthetic culture; [and] he threw down the political gauntletâ ( Awakening the Evangelical Mind , 63). Ockenga was, as Lindsell stated, âone of the finest preachers and staunchest defenders of the faith this country has ever knownâ ( Park Street Prophet , 11). Birth of Neo-Evangelicalism By the time Ockenga had entered pastoral ministry in the 1930s, most denominational institutions, seminaries, and publishing houses across America were dominated by theological liberals â greatly impeding the propagation of genuine gospel work. Evangelicalism seemed under duress. But in the 1940s, a new brand of evangelicalism was born â a brand that would intentionally engage the academy, that would seek to influence the most influential institutions of culture, and that would cooperate across denominational lines for gospel work. This new brand of evangelicalism â later called âneo-evangelicalismâ â was first primarily promoted through the formation of the National Association of Evangelicals (NAE) in 1942. At the gathering where the NAE was formed, Ockenga lamented, âEvangelical Christianity has suffered nothing but a series of defeats for decades.â But Ockenga believed that they could âaffect the whole future course of evangelical Christianity in Americaâ if they were willing to rethink their approach to culture and ministry. Ockenga began the charge by serving as the NAEâs first president for three years. He was neo-evangelicalismâs most ardent proponent. He crisscrossed the country, promoting and facilitating dozens of initiatives. Strachan writes, âNo figure did more than Ockenga to run, establish, and invigorate the premier institutions of the movementâ ( Awakening the Evangelical Mind , 23) Theological Scholarship Matters What are some takeaways from Ockengaâs ministry for us today? One of the greatest lessons we learn from Ockenga is that evangelical intellectualism and quality theological training matter deeply. Theologian Al Mohler has written that Ockenga, along with fellow evangelical leader Carl Henry, diagnosed the âconservative Protestant intellectual withdrawalâ from the âintellectual life of the nationâ as being the primary reason for the collapse of conservative Protestantism in America ( Awakening the Evangelical Mind , 14). Evangelicals lost their influence as they retreated from the academic spheres. Ockengaâs first academic initiative was the creation of Boston School of the Bible, which offered classes for laypeople in church history, doctrine, evangelism, missions, and apologetics. The school drew hundreds of students from around the region, including many students from liberal churches. While this looked to many to be a success, it didnât quite accomplish what Ockenga really wanted â to train church leaders and would-be scholars to engage the institutions of cultural influence. Both Ockenga and Henry believed that Christianity was faltering culturally, not because of a âlack of evangelistic fervor,â as Mohler says, but because of âthe absence of intellectual vigor.â This inspired Ockenga to pioneer and host the Plymouth Scholarsâ Conferences. These conferences, held every other year, were designed as places where evangelicals could engage with trends and thoughts from the world of academia for the advancement of evangelical scholarship. These conferences were the forerunners of the Evangelical Theological Society, established in 1949. Ockenga also promoted evangelical scholarship by teaming up with radio evangelist Charles Fuller to launch Fuller Theological Seminary in California. Ockenga served as the schoolâs first president remotely while still pastoring in Boston. The final formal academic initiative of Ockengaâs life came after he retired from pastoring in 1969. Ockenga became the president of Gordon College and Divinity School. He led Gordonâs Divinity School to merge with Conwell School of Theology to form a new seminary. Ockenga spent a decade as the president of Gordon-Conwell. Friendships Matter Another lesson we learn from the life of Harold Ockenga is the importance of friendships in ministry. Whether itâs Calvin and Bucer, Whitefield and Edwards, or even Jonathan and David from the Old Testament, we realize that friendships matter. Ockengaâs friendships with Carl Henry and Billy Graham served as the foundation for many projects. In 1950, Ockenga invited Graham to speak at a youth rally. This event sparked a revival in Boston and a series of subsequent revivals in New England. This amplified Grahamâs influence throughout the region. It also solidified a friendship between Ockenga and Graham that would last a lifetime. Ockenga would later serve as one of the directors for the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association and was one of Grahamâs closest confidants. Over the course of their lives, Graham and Ockenga, along with Henry, worked together on various ministry initiatives. One of the most notable is Christianity Today . Ockenga served as a contributor, editor, and chairman of the board for the publication for 25 years. Another significant ministry that resulted from Ockenga and Grahamâs friendship was the formation of the World Evangelical Fellowship. Both men were passionate about missions. The World Evangelical Fellowship allowed indigenous groups in 21 countries around the globe to cooperate in missions in order to accomplish what Ockenga labeled the âtask that had too long been left undoneâ ( The Surprising Work of God , 217). Investing in the Next Generation Last, Ockenga modeled how to leave a lasting legacy. He believed a commitment to mentoring the next generation was essential. Pastor Larry Osborne has written about the importance of investing in âyoung eaglesâ â that is, the leaders of the next generation of the church. Ockenga modeled this beautifully. One author observed a time when Ockenga (in his mid-forties) was at an event with an entourage of young men in their twenties and early thirties. He was frequently flanked by young men he was guiding. Due to Ockengaâs presence in Boston, he was well-placed to befriend and mentor many brilliant young minds. Men like Edward Carnell, Wayne Grudem, Kenneth Kantzer, George Eldon Ladd, John Gerstner, Samuel Schultz, Merrill Tenney, Roger Nicole, Gleason Archer, and J. Harold Greenlee were all profoundly influenced by Ockenga while they lived in Boston. These men would go on to become respected evangelical scholars, theologians, and leaders. Giant Among Giants Ockengaâs preaching, leadership, scholarship, and entrepreneurship were outstanding. Few evangelical leaders in the twentieth century were influential as Ockenga. Yet in his final moments on earth, we observe this influential preacherâs humility. When Ockenga was dying of cancer, the elders from Park Street Church came to visit him. One of them said, âJust think of all the things that God has done through you. He allowed you to minister to millions of people, be president of Fuller Theological Seminary and Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, be one of the founders of the NAE and the whole evangelical movement, and be one of the people who helped give Billy Graham his startâ ( Surprising Work , 224). Ockenga didnât seem impressed with his own resume. Then another elder quietly said, âWell, Harold, I suggest that when you see the Master, just say, âGod, be merciful to me a sinner.ââ Tears flowed down Ockengaâs cheeks. Harold John Ockenga, the man some called the Park Street Prophet, died on February 8, 1985. At the funeral, Billy Graham honored him with these words: âHe was a giant among giants. Nobody outside of my family influenced me more than he did. I never made a major decision without first calling and asking his advice and counsel.â