Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets (5 Questions To Help You Determine Your Next Move) Order Printed Copy
- Author: Andy Stanley
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About the Book
"Better Decisions, Fewer Regrets" by Andy Stanley is a practical guide that offers readers five important questions to consider when making significant life decisions. By reflecting on these questions, individuals can gain clarity and confidence in determining their next steps, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and regret-free life.
Brother Andrew
Son of a blacksmith, Brother Andrew didnât even finish high school. But God used this ordinary dutch man, with his bad back, limited education, without sponsorship and no funds to do things that many said were impossible. From Yugoslavia to North Korea, Brother Andrew penetrated countries hostile to the gospel to bring bibles and encouragement to believers.
Andy van der Bijl, who became known as Brother Andrew, was born in 1928 the son of a deaf father and a semi-invalid mother. Andrew was the third of six children and they lived in the smallest house in the village of Witte in the Netherlands.
In the book Godâs smuggler, Andrew describes the impact that the death of his oldest brother âBasâ had upon him. Bas, who was severely handicapped died when Andrew was just 11 years old. Andrew had wanted to die with Bas, but God hadnât let him.
THIRST FOR ADVENTURE
As a child, brother Andrew was mischievous and dreamt of adventure. When Germany invaded, Andrew amused himself (and the rest of the village) by playing pranks on the occupying troops.
NOTORIOUS COMMANDO WHO NEEDED GOD
His thirst for adventure led him into the Dutch army at the age of 18 where he became a notorious commando. Andrew and his comrades became famous for wearing yellow straw hats in battle, their motto was: âget smart â lose your mindâ.
The atrocities that Andrew committed as a commando haunted him and he became wrapped in a sense of guilt. Nothing he did â drinking, fighting, writing or reading letters helped him escape the strangle that guilt had upon him.
Shot in the ankle in combat, at the age of 20, his time in the army came to an abrupt end.
In hospital, bed ridden, the witness of Franciscan sisters who served the sick joyfully and the conviction of his own sin, drove him to read the Bible. Andy studied the bible while asking many questions to a friend (Thile), who had written to him throughout his time in the army. Andrew sent questions to Thile who searched for answers from her pastor and the library. His searching within the bible did not however lead him to give his life to God whilst he was still in hospital.
ANDREW RETURNS HOME A CRIPPLE AND SEEKS GOD
Returning home a cripple to his old town, Andrewâs life was empty. He had not found the adventure he had been looking for.
Somehow however, when he return home, he developed a thirst for God. Every evening Andrew attended a meeting and during the day he would read the bible and lookup up bible verses mentioned in the sermons he had heard. At last, one evening he gave up his ego and prayed: âLord if You will show me the way, I will follow You. Amenâ.
GOD CALLS BROTHER ANDREW TO MISSION
Soon after becoming a Christian, Brother Andrew attended a an evangelistic meeting taken by a Dutch evangelist Arne Donker. At this meeting Andrew responded to the call to become a missionary. This call to share the good news of salvation started at home, with Andrew and his friend Kees holding an evangelistic event with Pastor Donker in their home town of Witte.
Before going away on mission, Andrew started work at the Ringers chocolate factory. Working in a female dominated environment which was smitten with filthy jokes, God used Andrew and another Christian, and future wife Corrie, to reach their lost co-workers. Through personal witness and inviting them to evangelistic events, many became Christians, including the ring leader of the women. The atmosphere at work changed dramatically and prayer groups were held.
Andrew excelled in his work despite being lame and Mr Ringers, the owner of the factory applauded his work and evangelistic efforts. Because of his high IQ, Andrew was trained up as a job analyst within the factory. But Andrew knew that God was calling him to mission. The big obstacle however was his lack of education.
Giving up smoking, Andrew was able to start saving to buy books. Andrew bought dictionaries and commentaries and so began studying in his spare time. One day Andrew learnt about the bible college in Glasgow run by the WEC mission. At Glasgow bible college Christians could be trained up for mission in 2 years.
Unsure of Gods will for his life, Andrew spent a Sunday afternoon alone with God, speaking aloud with God. Through this time, Andrew realised that he needed to say âyesâ to God who was calling him to mission. Before this, Andrew had been saying âYes BUT I am lame.â âYes BUT I have no educationâ. Andrew said yes. In an amazing instant, Andrew made this step of yes, and in Godâs grace he healed Andrews lame leg.
ANDREW GOES TO ENGLAND
Andrew applied for the Bible college in Glasgow and was accepted. Sponsored by no church, no organisation and lacking education, Andrew obeyed God and went despite being told by the love of his life at the time (Thile) that in going he would lose her.
Andrewâs place at the bible college was delayed by a year. Despite receiving a telegram from WEC telling him not to come, Andrew believed God was instructing him to go. In faith he obeyed God and left for England in 1952.
Andrew spent the first few months in England painting the WEC headquarters building (Bulstrode). While living at Bulstrode, Andrew began spending time with God at the beginning of everyday â a Quiet Time. This was something that Andrew found helpful and endeavoured to do every day of his life. Once Andrew had finished painting Bulstrode, he then moved in with Mr and Mrs Hopkins. Living with Mr and Mrs Hopkins, they developed a wonderful relationship. Andy learnt so much from the couple because they were utterly without self-consciousness and opened up their home to drunks and beggars.
In September 1953, Brother Andrew started his studies at the WEC Glasgow bible college. Over the entrance of the wooden archway of the college were the wordsâhave faith in Godâ. During the following two years whilst studying, Andrew learnt about having faith in God and put his faith into practice in numerous ways.
THE KINGS WAY
Throughout his time at Glasgow bible college, Andy learnt of âThe Kings Wayâ in providing. Andrew saw God provide every essential need he had and always provide on time. In the book Godâs Smuggler, Andrew describes how it was exciting waiting to see how God would provide at his time of need. God always provided, but did so, not according to mans logic but in a kingly matter, not in a grovelling way.
One example of God providing miraculously was when Andrew needed to pay his visa. When Andrew received a visitor the day before he needed to send off his application for a visa, he was confident that the visitor would have come to give him money to pay for the visa. But the visitor was Richard, a man who Andrew had met in the slums in Glasgow. Richard had not come to give, but to ask. Andy explained that he had no money himself to give to Richard, but as he spoke, Andy saw a Shilling on the floor. This shilling was how much Andy needed to pay for his visa which would mean he could stay at the bible school. Rather than keeping the Shilling for himself, Andrew gave the Shilling to Richard. Andy had done what he knew was right, but how would God provide? Minutes later, Andy received a letter and in it was 30 Shillings! God had provided in His way, a Kingly Manner of provision.
GOD CALLS ANDREW BEHIND THE IRON CURTAIN
Leaving bible college in 1955, God guided Andy to attend a Communist trip to Warsaw. This would be the first of many trips into Communist countries.
During his first trip to Warsaw, brother Andrew visited local churches, a bible shop and spoke with Christians in the country. Coming back to Holland, Andrew had lots of opportunities to share about his trip and how Christians lived behind the iron curtain.
Weeks later, the communist party arranged for him to attend a trip to Czechoslovakia. Andrew managed to break away from the organised trip to learn that the church was suffering and that bibles were very scarce. Officials were angry he had broken away from the official tour and had contact with Christians so he was prohibited from entering the country again. But his trip had opened his eyes to the needs of the church behind the iron curtain and this became his mission field.
In the following years, Andy dedicated his life to the needs of the church in the Communist countries. God provided Andrew with a new Volkswagen Beetle and with it Brother Andrew smuggled bibles and literature into the countries in need. Working alone for the first few years, Andrew worked tirelessly in serving the churches behind the iron curtain. When Andrew had finished one trip he would go back to Holland where he would share his experience and then go back to one of the countries. Each trip was full of stories of how God had miraculously provided and led Andrew to meet Godly believers.
ANDREW MARRIES AND HAS A FAMILY
Although serving God in this way was exciting, Andrew felt alone and wanted a wife. In the book Godâs Smuggler, Andrew describes how he prayed about a wife three times. The first two times that Brother Andrew asked for a wife God spoke to him clearly through Isaiah 54:1 âThe children of the desolate are more than the children of the marriedâ. But Andrew prayed a third time about it, and this time God answered his prayer, reminding him of a lady he worked with at the Ringers chocolate factor, Corrie van Dam. Andrew hadnât had contact with Corrie for a long time so went to visit her. By Godâs grace, Corrie was still single and over a period of several years Andrew and Corrie became great friends. Corrie and Andrew married on June 27th 1958 in Alkmaar, Netherlands.
Corrie was married to a missionary and Andrew very much continued to live like a missionary, smuggling bibles into countries closed countries. Over the years, God blessed Corrie and Andrew with five children, three boys and two girls.
ANDREW STARTS WORKING WITH OTHERS
Andrew kept serving God behind the iron curtain but the work had become difficult to do alone. Andrew thought about how helpful it would be to have a co-worker. This began with a man called Hans and slowly grew until a number of them were smuggling bibles into the communist countries.
SERVING THE WORLD WIDE CHURCH
When the doors to communist Europe were opened in the 1960âs, Brother Andrew began to serve and strengthen the churches in the Middle East and Islamic world.
BROTHER ANDREW RECEIVES RELIGIOUS LIBERTY AWARD IN 2007
On Andy van der Bijlâs 69th birthday, he was honoured by being awarded âThe Religious Liberty Awardâ which was presented by the World Evangelical Fellowship (WEF). The chairman of WEFâs Religious Liberty Commission stated:
âBrother Andrew has been the preeminent example of those from the outside who have excelled in the ministry of encouragement â the many years he has devoted himself to serving the oppressed. His exploits have become legendary as he has crossed borders carrying Bibles, which were liable to confiscation. Time after time God has blinded the eyes of the border guards, and the Bibles got through.
BROTHER ANDREW RESOURCES
Godâs Smuggler â Book about Brother Andrew smuggling Bibles.
the great prize in christian dating - pursue clarity and postpone intimacy
I got lots of things wrong in dating, but as I think back over my mistakes and failures â dating too young, jumping from relationship to relationship, not being honest with myself or with others, failing to set or keep boundaries, not listening to friends and family, not prizing and pursuing purity â one error rises above the others, and in many ways explains the others: My dating relationships were mainly a pursuit of intimacy with a girlfriend, not clarity about whether to marry her. In my best moments, I was pursuing clarity through  intimacy, but in a lot of other moments, if Iâm honest, I just wanted intimacy at whatever cost. âThe pursuit of marriageâ was a warm and justifying pullover to wear over my conscience when things started to go too far physically and emotionally. But even clarity through  intimacy misses the point and gets it backwards. I should have been pursuing clarity in dating, and then  intimacy in marriage. That simple equation would have saved me and the girls I dated all kinds of grief, heartache, and regret. Your Last First Kiss Most of us date because we want intimacy. We want to feel close to someone. We want to be known deeply and loved deeply. We want sex. We want to share life with someone of the opposite sex who will be involved and invested in what weâre doing and what we care about. With the right heart, and in the right measure, and at the right time, these are all good desires. God made many of us to want these things, and therefore wants us to want these things â with the right heart, in the right measure, and at the right time. Think about your last first kiss in a relationship (if youâve already kissed someone). Why did you do it? You knew you were risking something, that this wasnât the safest way to give yourself to someone. What was driving you most in those brief moments before you let your lips touch? For me, every first kiss was driven more by my own desires than by Godâs desires for me. Every first kiss until I kissed my wife for the first time, seconds after asking her to be my wife. Before Faye, I had let what I wanted outweigh what I knew God wanted, and what I knew was best for the girl I was dating. I craved intimacy, and I knew I would find it in marriage. So, I punched âmarriageâ into Google Maps, jumped on the highway, and ignored the speed limits. Instead of waiting to get to my destination to enjoy emotional and physical intimacy, I pulled over and bought something quicker and cheaper on the side of the road. Intimacy â romantic or otherwise â is a beautiful and precious gift God has given to his children. But like so many of Godâs good gifts, because of our sin, intimacy can be dangerous. The human heart is wired to want intimacy, but it is also wired to corrupt intimacy â to demand intimacy in the wrong ways or at the wrong time, and to expect the wrong things from intimacy. That means intimacy between sinners is dangerous, because weâre prone, by nature, to hurt one another â to do what feels good, instead of caring for the other person; to promise too much too soon, instead of being patient and slow to speak; to put our hope, identity, and worth in one another, instead of in God. Intimacy makes us vulnerable, and sin makes us dangerous. The two together, without covenant promises, can be a formula for disaster in dating. Different Prizes in Marriage and Dating God is the greatest prize in life for any believer â at whatever age, in whatever stage of life, and whatever our relationship status. But is there a unique prize for the believer in marriage? Yes, it is Christ-centered emotional and sexual intimacy with another believer. Before God, within the covenant of marriage, two lives, two hearts, two bodies become one . A husband and wife experience everything in life as one  new person. âCoupleâ doesnât describe them well enough anymore. Yes, theyâre each still themselves, but theyâre too close now to ever be separated again (Mark 10:9). God has made them one. Their things are not their own. Their time is not their own. Even their bodies are not their own (1 Corinthians 7:4). They share all and enjoy all together  now. Sex is the intense experience and picture of their new union, but itâs only a small slice of all the intimacy they enjoy together now. Safety for Intimacy The reason that kind of intimacy is the prize of marriage and not  of our not-yet-married relationships is because that kind of intimacy is never safe anywhere outside of the lifelong covenant called marriage. Never . There are lots of contexts in which romantic intimacy feels  safe outside of marriage, but it never is. There is too much at stake with our hearts, and too many risks involved, without a ring and public vows. Without promises before God, the further we walk into intimacy with another person, the further we expose ourselves to the possibility of being abandoned, betrayed, and crushed. In a Christ-centered marriage , those same risks do not exist. We are together â in sickness and health, in peace and conflict, in disappointment, tragedy, and even failure â until death do us part. When God unites us, death is the only thing strong enough to separate us. That means intimacy is a safe and appropriate experience in marriage . For sure, marriage is not perfectly safe. Married people are still sinners, capable of hurting one another, even to the point of abuse or divorce. But faithful married people are not leaving people. Just like God is not a leaving God. Datingâs Great Prize While the great prize in marriage  is Christ-centered intimacy, the great prize in dating  is Christ-centered clarity. Intimacy is safest in the context of marriage, and marriage is safest in the context of clarity. If we want to have and enjoy Christ-centered intimacy, we need to get married. And if we want to get married, we need to pursue clarity about whom to marry. We donât pursue clarity by diving into intimacy. The right kind of clarity is a means to the right kind of intimacy, not the other way around. Careful, prayerful, thoughtful clarity will produce healthy, lasting, passionate intimacy. Any other road to intimacy will sabotage it, leaving it shallow, fragile, and unreliable. Much of the heartache and confusion we feel in dating stems from treating dating as practice for marriage (clarity through  intimacy), instead of as discernment toward marriage (clarity now, intimacy later). In dating, we often experiment with intimacy until it basically feels like marriage, and then we get married. The risks may seem worth it (even necessary) because of how much we want to be married (or at least everything that comes with being married). But in reality, the risks are not worth it, and theyâre certainly not necessary. God did not mean for us to risk so much in our pursuit of marriage. For sure, we always make ourselves vulnerable to some degree as we get to know someone and develop a relationship, but God wants us to enjoy the fullness of intimacy within a covenant, not in some science lab of love. In Christian dating, weâre not trying marriage on for size, but trying to find someone to marry. Questions We Ask Pursue clarity, and postpone intimacy. What does that look like practically? One test for whether you are pursuing clarity or intimacy is to study the questions we ask in dating. We ask different questions when weâre pursuing clarity more than intimacy. How far can we go? How late should we hang out? What kind of touching is allowed? Is he Christian enough for me to date him? Versus: Does he love Jesus more than he loves me? Does she follow through on her promises? Do I see him showing self-control, or compromising to get what he wants? Is she willing to lovingly tell me when Iâm wrong? Healthy relationships may still need to ask questions in the first set, but theyâll be way down the list. When weâre after intimacy without clarity, we ask the first set and often overlook or minimize the second. But when weâre pursuing clarity, weâll start asking new questions. Here are some examples of questions you could ask in your pursuit of clarity: What have you learned about each other lately â stories, habits, character traits? How have you each grown in your relationship with Jesus since you started dating? Are you both committed to abstaining from any form of sexual immorality? What flags, if any, have others raised about your relationship? What obstacles are keeping the two of you from getting married? Are you each being driven by your own desires, or by Godâs desires for you? In what ways is your relationship different from non-Christian relationships? Questions like these â and countless more like them â uncover what we really want in dating, and where weâre likely to leave Jesus behind. Theyâre the bumpers that keep us out of the gutter, guarding us from impatience and impurity. But theyâre also instruments of true love â the well-made parts that keep our car on the highway to marriage. They keep us focused on where we are headed and what really matters. Theyâre the agents of clarity.