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Phoebe: A Story Phoebe: A Story

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  • Author: Paula Gooder
  • Size: 1.57MB | 257 pages
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About the Book


"Phoebe: A Story" by Paula Gooder is a historical fiction novel that imagines the life of Phoebe, a woman mentioned in the Bible in the book of Romans. The novel explores Phoebe's journey as she navigates the challenges and opportunities of being a woman in the first-century Christian community, offering insights into her faith, relationships, and experiences.

Mary Winslow

Mary Winslow Godly people speak long after their deaths. This is no exception with Mary Winslow. The biography of this godly woman is heart-warming to read. It is filled with lessons for Christians today on how to walk with Christ even when things are hard in your life. Sitting at Jesus’ Feet with Mary Winslow At the heart of godliness is a living bond with the Lord Jesus. That bond evidences itself in “sitting at Jesus’ feet,” as Mary did (Luke 10:39). But what does that involve? A beautiful example of that is another Mary – Mary Winslow, a woman whose devotional writings continue to be printed today. Her writings breathe of tender, humble, and delightful communion with Christ. The Emptiness of Entertainment Mary was born on February 28, 1774 in Bermuda, a beautiful island in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean. As an only child of well-to-do parents, she received a good education, but little religious instruction. When she was “nearly eighteen ... (merry), thoughtless, (and) full of life,” she married an army Lieutenant stationed in Bermuda, Thomas Winslow. A little later, when she attended a ball where she basked in the light of popularity, she afterwards sensed the emptiness of it all. One question began to weigh on her: How can I be righteous before God? Her attempts to obey God’s law could not satisfy her conscience. Her spiritual distress led her to turn to the Scriptures and plead with God for mercy. She was also brought under an evangelical and experimental ministry, which pointed her to the Saviour of sinners. As she bowed before Him in her need, the Lord spoke to her soul: “I am thy salvation.” This grace led to a fundamental change in her life. Her husband and others around her only had a formal religion and did not understand her heart experience. This even led her to question whether what she experienced was true, saving grace. But in her distress, the Lord reassured her of His grace. Having been saved, she became concerned for the spiritual welfare of those around her. She sought to support an evangelical ministry in Bermuda, which had not been present earlier. She instituted family worship in her home, in spite of the initial resistance of her husband. Great Trials In Life Other changes also entered her home. Through bad investments, her husband lost much of his fortune. Since they had ten children, including many sons, they decided to move to America. She left ahead with her children. Shortly after she arrived in New York, her infant daughter became sick and died. Before she could even bury her daughter, the message came that her husband had died in England. She wrote that it was “the heaviest affliction I have ever met with.” This period was not only marked by the grief of bereavement, but also “spiritual darkness and despondency.” Yet, she confessed, “the Lord, even in this, has not chastened me according to my backslidings.” Greater yet, the Lord returned with His comfort. Life continued. As a poor widow, she had to raise her large family. She wrote, “I thought, ‘How can I, a helpless woman, care for, and train up, these children to manhood?’ I felt I should sink beneath the overwhelming conviction of my weakness and insufficiency.” In this distress, the Lord came with His comforting promise: “I will be a Father to thy fatherless children.” This promise was her pleading ground in the ensuing years, as she wrestled in prayer for her children’s salvation. Some years later, she witnessed a time of revival, first personally, and then in her family and surrounding churches. After a time of darkness, she wrote, God “filled my heart with unspeakable joy.” God also converted the three sons who were still at home. She continued to pray for the salvation of her older children until they also came to a saving knowledge of Christ. Several sons became ministers. Mary often struggled with poor health. Towards the end of her life, her health declined to the point where she was confined to her bed. She remained mentally clear and longed to be with her Lord. On October 3, 1854, her desire was fulfilled. Her faint, yet distinct last words were: “I see thee! I see thee! I see thee!” Great Comfort At Jesus’ Feet While her afflictions were greater than those of many others, her joys were also deeper than those of many of God’s people. She was often at the feet of the Lord Jesus. She described her conversion this way: “I was brought to the feet of Jesus.” She did not mean that she simply began a routine of devotional activities, but that God led her to Christ Himself, to bow before Him, receive of His grace, and experience communion with Him. What that communion involved is best said in her own words. “I have just been favoured with a most precious interview with the King of kings,” she wrote. “He admitted me, even me, into His royal presence-chamber, and encouraged me to open my mouth wide, telling Him all that was in my heart; and you may be sure I did presume to make large demands upon his goodness ... My heart was dissolved into love and my eyes into tears. I wept that ever I could sin against such a God, grieve that blessed Spirit by whom I am sealed unto glory.” From a sickbed, she wrote: “I have to deal most clearly with God in Jesus now. He is all in all to me ... My soul holds converse with him, and sweet I find it to lie as a helpless infant at his Feet; yea, passive in his loving hands, knowing no will but His. Holy and distinguished is the privilege of talking with Him as a man talketh with his friend, without restraint or concealment. What a mercy, thus to unburden the whole heart – the tried and weary, the tempted and sorrowful heart – tried by sin, tried by Satan, tried by those you love. What a mercy to have a loving bosom to flee to, one truly loving heart to confide in, which responds to the faintest breathing of the Spirit! Precious Jesus, how inexpressibly dear art Thou to me at this moment! Keep sensibly near to me.” She did not always experience the same richness of communion, but she knew, “My choicest seat is at the foot of the Cross ... When I can but view His bleeding wounds, and obtain one glance by faith of His gracious countenance, it is worth a thousand worlds to me.” Is that your confession? You may not always sit at the foot of the Cross and sensibly experience His love and your unworthiness, but if you have ever sat at His feet, you will agree that there is no better place in the world. What Can We Learn? Mary Winslow’s life evidences the lessons learned at Jesus’ feet. The most basic lessons involve a deepening knowledge of her sin and Christ’s love. Often she wrote things like: I feel my vileness, my unprofitableness, my woeful shortcomings, and am thankful if I can but only creep to the foot of the Cross, and there repose my weary soul, refreshed by one look at Jesus, who, I do trust, died for my sins.” “Never, never did sin appear so hateful, and my own nothingness so great, as yesterday at the table of the Lord ... but still my hope was in the Lord.” “I have never wept so much for sin as I have done lately ... But while I have thus been led of late to mourn so much for sin, I have never felt pardon so abundantly manifested. God be praised for a free-grace gospel! As her life drew to a close, she said: “I shall enter heaven a poor sinner saved by grace. I seem to have done nothing for the Lord, who has done so much for me.” Her life shows that greater views of Christ and greater views of sin go together and lead to humility, love, and dependence on the Lord. Another grace received at Jesus’ feet is the desire for holiness. Often she would write things like: “How beautiful does holiness appear to me! To be holy is to be happy. May the Lord sanctify us!” “My heart longs for full sanctification. I am wearied with sin; my soul loathes it, and I abhor myself in dust and in ashes.” “Oh, I want to be more conformable to his lovely image, to be sanctified, body, soul, and spirit, and to have every power of my mind under the constant influence of the Holy Spirit.” A view of Christ’s holiness and beauty fuelled the desire to be like Him. A desire for holiness shows itself in her heavenly-mindedness. Often she exhorted to meditate on the glory of heaven, expressed longings to walk as a pilgrim, and one day “to see Jesus, to bask in the full sunshine of His glory, and to sit forever at His feet.” Her son, Octavius, wrote: “her religion was eminently practical ... her life was singularly useful, because her mind was transcendently heavenly.” She exhorted, “My dear children, live for eternity; this world is not worth living for.” While she longed to be with Christ, she also had Paul’s desire to be of use on earth. She showed compassion to the poor, sick, lonely, and needy. She visited, helped, and spoke to them. Her main burden was the salvation of loved ones and acquaintances. She exhorted others: “Let us who believe, pray, and exhort, and employ every opportunity to arouse, to instruct, and win all to Christ, who has life, yea, eternal life, to give to all who seek it sincerely and earnestly.” Even in her dying days she wrote: “my time now is short; I would fain be useful in encouraging others to come to Thee, thou Fountain.” Mary Winslow’s God Lives Mary Winslow’s words and example give us beautiful instruction. To learn more from her, read her book of letters, entitled Heaven Opened: The Correspondence of Mary Winslow, published by Reformation Heritage Books. You can read it as a daily devotional. Another excellent source is Octavius Winslow’s Life in Jesus: A Memoir of Mrs. Mary Winslow, Arranged from Her Correspondence, Diary, and Thoughts (Morgan, PA: Soli Deo Gloria, 1995). Now that Reformation Heritage Books has acquired Soli Deo Gloria Publications we hope they will soon republish this classic work. There is one warning: her life may expose the poverty of your own spiritual life or the complete absence of communion with Christ. Christian biography has a way of doing that. Or is that warning actually a blessing? God’s purpose is not to put Mary Winslow on a pedestal and make us sink down in discouragement before her. Instead, it is to deliver us from spiritual complacency and dead presumption and stir up a longing to receive the same grace that enables us to sit at Jesus’ feet. Mary Winslow’s confession that she was a sinner was true. Everything worth learning from her is God’s grace in her. Her God still lives to give the same grace. When we see someone with something beautiful, we might ask, “How did you get that?” When you see godliness in another, do you ask similar questions? If Mary Winslow had been asked how she came to sit at the Lord Jesus’ feet, one word would have sounded: “grace.” By sovereign grace she was “brought as a poor sinner to His feet.” At the same time, she knew the Lord uses means to lead into communion with Him and restore it again, she exclaimed, “How needful are the means of grace, if we wish to thrive.” God’s Word God’s Word is so important. When the Lord first uncovered Mary Winslow’s need of Him, she turned to His Word for relief. That Word then became increasingly precious to her. Though she complained of times of coldness, her private journal records how God blessed her searching of scripture. She also once wrote “while reading in the family my heart was drawn out by faith to Christ, and could not but speak of Him to my children.” That is why she counseled, “Be much searching scriptures.” Though she occasionally wrote that what others called an excellent sermon was no blessing to her, her delight was to hear sermons. She could write, “next to communion with God, it is my greatest comfort and joy to wait upon the preaching of the word.” Preaching filled with the richness of Christ and the indispensability of the Holy spirit’s work fed her soul. She also loved to read books expounding the truths of scripture. Some of her favourite authors are still in print today: Thomas Boston, John Newton, Samuel Rutherford, and others. Her advice is timely: “Keep to the old divines. Modern divinity is very shallow – has very little of Christ and experience. May God give you a spiritual appetite!” Mary Winslow points us to the Word as the means God uses to work and feed godliness. Her counsel is so basic, but do we practice it? Do we not simply read, but search the scriptures, as one searching for treasure? Do we come to church with the prayer to hear His voice? Do we read edifying books? Do we meditate on what we read? Through His Word, Christ leads to His feet to teach in a way that changes hearts and lives. Prayer Prayer is the other essential activity at the Lord Jesus’ feet. Begin your day with prayer. Mary Winslow confessed, “My first prayer in the morning when I awake is addressed to the Holy spirit, that He would take possession of my thoughts, my imagination, my heart, my words, throughout the day, directing, controlling, and sanctifying them all.” she warns, “Never, never omit secret prayer ... Remember, the first departures from Christ begin at the closet, or rather in the heart; and then private prayer is either hurried over, becomes a mere form, or is entirely neglected.” Times in which we set everything aside to be alone in private prayer are essential. The devil always tries to keep us from our knees with work or entertainment only because he knows the importance of prayer. She also knew its importance. She exclaimed, “Oh, the mighty power of prayer! Even the best of Christians know but little what it really is.” She exhorts, “You cannot come too often. Bring to Him your little cares as well as your great ones. If anything is a trouble to you, however small it may be, you are warranted, nay, commanded, to take it to Him.” Prayer is such a privilege: “To have Him to go to – to lay before Him all our wants, to express our fears, to plead His promises, and to expect that because He has promised He will fulfil – is worth more than all the world can give.” Sitting at Jesus’ feet is not only for devotional times, but is a way of life. She writes that believers are to press forward in life, “looking continually to Jesus, trusting not to our own strength, but waiting in humble dependence upon Him for all our sufficiency to carry us on, and to enable us to hold out unto the end ... Oh that we may be found like his beloved handmaiden of old, sitting at His feet!” She counsels, “You need not wait until you can retire (for the night) and fall upon your knees; you can do it in a moment. The heart lifted up in silent prayer is sufficient.” Isn’t this the echo of Scripture’s call to “pray without ceasing”? Conversation God is also pleased to bless spiritual conversation. Often she would warn: “Beware of trifling conversation; it grieves the Spirit,” and “Avoid light, trifling professors of religion; their influence will be as poison to your souls.” More than once, after an evening filled with wearying levity and trifling conversation, she would be humbled before God. Conversation on religious topics is not enough. “When Christians meet together, do they not too much talk about religion, preachers, and sermons? I cannot but think, that if they communed less about religion, and more of Jesus, it would give a higher tone of spirituality to their conversation, and prove more refreshing to the soul. He would then oftener draw near, and make Himself one in their midst, and talk with them by the way.” Speaking of the triune God, the Saviour, His Word, promises, discipline, and leadings may stir up desire, trust and love in those who speak and listen. What fills our conversations? That which fills the heart spills out of the mouth. Conversely, a word about Christ may be such a blessing for an empty heart. The Lord exhorts, “Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do” (1 Thess. 5:11). Grace Her practical counsels about the means of grace is not a newly invented, five-step plan to godliness. They are as old as Scripture itself. That gives them value. The main means of thriving which God is pleased to bless are the continual seeking of Him and the ongoing and prayerful hearing of His Word. The encouragement is that Christ Himself uses these means to bring us to His feet by His Spirit. Her letters always traced sitting at Jesus’ feet to God’s grace. That is why she wrote to an unconverted friend: “May God open your eyes to see your need of a Savior, and lead you to the feet of Jesus, the sinner’s Friend.” To a fellow-believer, she wrote: “Oh that we might both be led to sit more constantly at the feet of Jesus, looking up, like little children, into His face to catch His smile and watch His eye – to see what He would have us to do, seeking nowhere else for comfort and guidance but in Him!” Knowing God lives to draw sinners to Christ’s feet gives hope. Knowing He uses His means of grace to do so encourages to be diligent in their use. Knowing He delights to bless those who use His means of grace enables us to plead with Him to bless them in spite of all the sin that stains our use of them. Such a life of dependence is truly blessed. Listen to her words: What a poor wretched exchange professors make when they barter the blessings of a close walk with God for the beggarly enjoyments of an empty, disappointing world! Ten minutes at the feet of Jesus, in a full view of His love, while confessing sins and shortcomings – sins we know already pardoned – yet sorrowing that we should ever grieve One who so tenderly loves us, is a happiness I would not exchange for millions of worlds.

His Delight Is Not in Your Strength

We discover where we really find our strength not when we feel strong, but when we feel weak. Exhaustion and frustration have a way of blowing away the fog, revealing what’s really happening inside of us: Have we been leaning on God for all that we need, or have we made his help, his strength, his guidance a kind of last resort? Many of us are more self-reliant than we would admit, and self-reliance is far more dangerous than it sounds. The widespread delusion, especially among more secular people, is that I can do anything, if I am willing to work hard. I am stronger than I think, strong enough to do anything I want to do in the world. The reality, however, is that the vast majority of us are weaker than we realize — and yet love to think ourselves strong. And that false sense of strength not only intensifies our arrogance and our ineffectiveness, but it also offends our God. His delight is not in the strength of the horse, nor his pleasure in the legs of a man, but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love. (Psalm 147:10–11) Our delight is often in the strength of our legs — our work ethic, our perseverance, our cleverness, our strategies. And that temptation touches every part of life — at work, in ministry, at home — because every part of life in a fallen world requires strength. But God is not pleased by all that we can do — unless we do all that we do in his strength, and not our own. Rejoice in All He Can Do One way to combat a sinful sense of self-sufficiency is to meditate on all that only God can do — all that he can do, that we cannot. Psalm 147 models how to expose and unravel the lies of pride with the strength and authority of God. The psalm says that God alone places each cloud in the sky (Psalm 147:8). He chooses when, where, and how much rain will fall, and he tends every millimeter of every blade of grass. God alone crafts every snowflake that falls, fashions every inch of frost, and decides just how cold it will be (Psalm 147:16–17). Every aspect of our winters is scripted and conducted by him, including precisely when they end (Psalm 147:18). God alone feeds the elephants, the sharks, the squirrels, and even the ants (Psalm 147:9). When newborn birds whimper in hunger, he hears each faint cry. God alone can count every star in the universe (Psalm 147:4) — and not only count them, but decide their number and give them each a name. God alone heals the wounds of the brokenhearted (Psalm 147:3). Very few are ever tempted to think we ourselves could bring rain, make snow, or count the stars, but we might be tempted to think we could heal a broken heart. We might imagine we could compensate for someone’s loss, or talk someone out of despair, or save someone’s marriage. But Psalm 147 says that God is the healing one. God alone makes peace (Psalm 147:14). We cannot achieve real peace — in families or friendships, in a church or a nation — unless God quiets the conflict and awakens harmony. If we think we can achieve peace without God, we have not understood peace, or God. “Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure” (Psalm 147:5). Our power is small and often failing, but his power is abundant and never exhausted. Our understanding is extremely limited and often flawed, but his understanding is universal and inscrutable. Why would we ever rely on ourselves? Embrace How Little You Can Do Yet we do rely on ourselves. We slip into habits of living, and working, and serving that don’t require him, and sometimes that barely even acknowledge him. Jeremiah’s warning is as sobering in our day as it was in his: “Thus says the Lord: ‘Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord’” (Jeremiah 17:5). The man who deep down trusts in himself cannot help but slowly walk away from God. We fight sinful self-sufficiency by glorying in all that God can do, and we fight by learning to embrace just how little we can do apart from him. Jesus says to his disciples, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). Many of us can recite the phrase, and still quietly suspect that he’s really exaggerating. We know we can do something on our own. And if we won’t admit it, our prayer lives betray us. The humble are strong precisely because they know how weak they truly are — and how strong God will be for them. They sing, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Psalm 73:26). They exhort one another, “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might” (Ephesians 6:10). They serve “by the strength that God supplies — in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 4:11). The humble have experienced what Isaiah promised: “He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. . . . They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:29–31). By embracing their weakness, they found vast reservoirs of strength, strength enough to run and even fly. Weakness Welcomes Strength The apostle Paul knew how weak he was and where to find true strength. When he pleaded with God to remove the thorn that plagued him, God said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Why would God, in infinite, fatherly love for Paul, not spare him the pain and inconvenience of this weakness? Because our weakness welcomes the gracious strength and intervention of God. Weakness welcomes grace. When we feel strong, we are not prone to rely on the grace and strength of God. We often begin to experience, and even enjoy, the delusion that we are strong. We forget God, and our need for him. But when we feel our weakness, we more fully experience reality — and we remember our tremendous, continual need for him. The intensity of our thorns unearths the depths of his grace and mercy. Without them, we would only play in the wading pools of grace, instead of exploring the endless storehouses God fills and keeps for us. As Paul says earlier in the same letter, “We have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us” (2 Corinthians 4:7). If you look strong in your own strength, very few will wonder how you are so strong. But if people watch you walk through intense or persistent weakness and adversity, with strength and faith and even joy, then God will look unmistakably strong in you. So, to the extent that you are weak, to that extent will you magnify the awesome height of his power and love. We Have Done Nothing We often learn to rely on our own strength because we want the recognition and respect of others. We want to be known as strong, not utterly weak; as independent, not deeply dependent; as self-sufficient, not uncomfortably needy. We want to be the achievers and creators, the healers and the heroes. But as J.I. Packer says, If we think of ourselves or others as achievers, creators, reformers, innovators, movers and shakers, healers, educators, benefactors of society in any way at all, we are at the deepest level kidding ourselves. We have nothing and have never had anything that we have not received, nor have we done anything good apart from God who did it through us. (Praying, 147) The happiest, strongest, most meaningfully productive people have embraced, and even rejoiced, in that reality: We have done nothing good apart from God who did it through us. “Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion” (Psalm 84:5). They have been liberated from self-sufficiency, and now run, work, create, and serve in the happy fields of their utter dependence on God. Article by Marshall Segal

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